who am i

The river and the lovers

2012-02-06T00:14:00.000+05:30

the river flowed in a torrent

gushing forth in the rains

breaking down banks and

tearing down everything in its path

but somewhere downstream

it met a boy

sitting alone on the bank

while the river cut it from under him

forlorn, with a faraway look

in his empty glassy eyes

the river felt sorry for him

it called out to him

to run to the safety

of the hinterland

but the boy replied:

i'm waiting for her

she said she would meet me here

and i won't miss that chance

river or no river

the river was taken aback

and decided to leave him

to whatever fate had for him

but what does it see

there, on the other bank

is a girl sitting alone

with the same faraway look

and the same glassy eyes

it asked her to leave

and she gave the same reply

i'm waiting for him

and i wouldn't miss it for anything

now this had the river foxed

there they were, the two of them

waiting for each other

but doing nothing to meet

the river couldn't take it

and asked why they chose to do so

and they said:

we can't meet

not until a river flows between us

a river of hate, doubt and mistrust

a torrent of emotions

transient emotions

we know we'll swept away

if we tried to cross now

we are waiting for time

till the river slows down

waiting for the emotions

to turn into feelings

and thereafter into anchors

so that we have something to hold onto

coz the doubts won't all go away

the river will keep on flowing

we are waiting

to build the bridge of love.

-Pic by Basu.

tripping back

2012-01-22T20:49:00.001+05:30

i stand rooted to the spot

blank and staring into the void
the mind whirling in a cesspool
my finger on rewind

and the hourglass is turned upside down
time trickling backwards
the sand making it back to my fists
i hold tight once again

the past is once again with me
a brick of a dead weight
hard and unyielding and stupid and stubborn
happy and hurting at the same time

it's like holding a thorny rose
soft petals and bloody pricks
red of the rose, red of the blood
difficult to distinguish the two

i stand rooted to the spot
blank and staring into the void
holding a heavy past in the mind
hearing and seeing and breathing the now

and i choose to let go
i've been there and done that
all the good things and the bad
but there's a lot left to do

i'll be my past
and it will stay with me
but at the end of it all
i'll just be me

the invisible yesterdays

2012-01-08T23:42:00.000+05:30

trudging through a forest of people

we wade through a sea of faces

all the people we've met

all the people we've been

the people who talked in awkward pauses

and the people who chattered endlessly

the people who fought so hard they cried

and the people who laughed after every fight

the people who stole nervous glance at each other

and the people who couldn't stop staring

the people who loved each other

and the people who loved some more

but now they are all strangers

in a world of sepia yesterdays

we are what we are today

two lovers holding hands together

Pic by Basu.

flying away :)

2011-12-21T02:48:00.000+05:30

she was the kite

yellow and orange
and green and blue
she smiled and she cooed
she soared and she flew

she was happy and free
not a wrinkle on her brow
but she was held by a thread
why didn't it show?

i held her and she knew
i would hold her fast
and she could wander
but never get lost

This was written in response to a friend's status update on fb. The update was about Coldplay's song : Paradise.

A harmless question

2011-12-05T23:26:00.000+05:30

Would you love me even if I hated you?

What kind of question is this?

A hypothetical one.

I can see that. What I want to know is where it came from.

From my mind.

Full points for being a smart Alec. But zero for clarity.

Can't you just answer the question? Without asking a hundred in return?

And could you refrain from asking questions that don't make sense at all?

It's a simple yes/no question.

No, it isn't. I know that whatever I answer, you have an interpretation ready in some corner of your mind.

So how does that obviate the question?

It doesn't. But it does render it moot.

But that doesn't mean you can't answer it.

I will not add fuel to whatever stupid fire you've lit in that little devil's workshop of yours.

C'mon, be a sport!

Fine! Yes, I would!

If you would, why would I ever hate you?

:colon dee:

lost and found

2011-11-30T02:15:00.001+05:30

all the lost prayers

where do they go

filed somewhere

as a record

of rejected applications?

gathering dust

faded with age

there's a prayer

long lost

no hope fueling it

making it soar

what's a butterfly

without its wings

i think the heart

it holds them

close to itself

long after the brain

abandons them

and when we die

it's not old age

that kills us

but it's just

the heart filling up

of these prayers

long lost and dead

-------

Pic by Basu. It's the opposite to all that this poem is about. It's hope. For all prayers.

The bubble burst

2011-11-21T23:36:00.000+05:30

he sits there

tear-streaked cheeks

bleary eyed

staring at the place

where the white of the bedsheet

meets the white of the walls

voices have kept him awake

a strange cacophony

lulling him to sleep

only to snatch him from

the edge of the land of dreams

long has he sat and moped

blurring the lines between

words that were actually uttered

and ones he conjured up himself

his is a state of eerie nightmares

that stay for the day

she was here yesterday

and she's gone now

a strand of hair

on a tear-soaked pillow

is all that remains

he should remember

all the fights they had

and yet he remembers

the smile she smiled

and the tears she cried

it's morning now and

the light creeps up to him

touching his toes

he looks on, startled

straining to remember

the night that has been

-------------------

Photo by Basu. Those are my hands in the pic :). Had to burst about 20 of them before he got the perfect shot.

round the mulberry bush

2011-11-21T18:27:00.000+05:30

every morning and every evening

the sun and the moon, they

stand at their doorsteps and

with a wistful look in their eyes

resigned to a fate of

eternal damned separation

and two moments of love

in a twenty-four-hour day

----------------

क्या कहते होंगे चाँद और सूरज

जब दिन/रात भर के बाद

एक दूसरे को देखते होंगे?

दिन/रात का सिरा थामे

कब से घूम रहे साथ

जाने कब होंगे पूरे

हमारे फेरे सात

------------------

कितने दूर, कितने पास

2011-11-18T00:41:00.001+05:30

We were too busy
In our I's
The 'us' that could be
Would never be seen
With closed eyes

Each one standing
With an outstretched arm
Hoping the other
Would take the first step
And so here we are
Standing orphaned
On our islands

And there are the words
Useless ones we threw around
All the beautiful ones
We threw away
An ugly beautiful cacophony
That now flows between us

So we stand here
A mere shout away
With dried up voices...

-------------------

Photo by Basu. It is the opposite of all that this poem talks of. And yet it somehow fits :)

Point-of-no-return

2011-11-05T01:26:00.000+05:30

How can I be sure thatI am in love - the love people keep talking about, the love I had always wishedI would stay away from??

Let’s discuss thesymptoms you have. We’ll make the diagnosis later.

I keep having these dreams of her. I try but they just won't go away.

But this has happened to you for so many other girls. A passing infatuation - acrush as it is called - would have the same effect.

I love talking to her, or rather - listening to her.

This could be true for so many other people - members of both sexes. It couldeasily happen with people who share their interests and passions with you. Youdon't fall in love with every person you love to talk to.

There are times when I suddenly remember an incident involving the two of us. Andit invariably brings a smile to me.

What’s the big deal here? Look, she's your friend, we aren't debating that. It’sbut obvious that you'll remember the happy times you've spent with your friendand this memory will obviously lift your spirits.

I can't watch any romantic movie without imagining the two of us in place ofthe protagonists in the film.

Now, that's what we call an overdose of this genre of movies. Remember Pavlovand his dog?? You’ve been similarly conditioned by all those flicks you'vewatched all your life. You have a chat with a girl and the next logical stepfor you is a dinner and then dates. And then the two of you end up spending therest of your life happily ever after. Bullshit!

No other girlinterests me these days.

Oh! So you aremonogamous?? Now there must have been something that attracted you to thisparticular girl in the first place. This something must have been a factordifferentiating her from the rest of the crowd. So while you're stuck on thisone quality of hers, there's a slim chance that you'll like anyone else. But itstill doesn't prove that
You’re in love withher.

But she's sobeautiful.

There you go. It wasthis superficial attraction from the beginning, wasn't it??

It isn't only herbeauty that I like in her. She has many other qualities.

Of course she has. Sohave many others - and you know that.

But I can't imaginespending the rest of my life with anyone else. And I know this didn't happenfor anyone else. I want her to be with me forever. I don't care if I don't talkto her, or don't see her - only if someone can assure me that this hiatus wouldlead to an everlasting continuity.

Why, then you aresurely, madly, deeply in love.

Shit!!!

water and she

2011-10-22T22:04:00.000+05:30

she comes in
after a shower
shakes her head
and the droplets fly
bends her neck
and towels her hair
and i see the drops
leaving her hair

it's raining
she has a paper boat
she takes care
while letting it go
in the stream
takes care
not to touch the water
but she's all wet
in the rain

she sits by the river
her feet in the water
and talks to me
a calmness takes her over
maybe the water
drains all the anxieties away

she splashes water
onto her face
and it's hid behind
tiny rivulets
but they run off
and she opens her eyes
her eyelashes are wet
she looks at me
and i know
i have the world

it's raining
and she puts her hand
out of the window
closes her eyes and lets
the raindrops falling on her palm
be the only sensation
and i look at
serenity personified

her eyes are brimming
but i forbid her to cry
she's allowed
just one drop
it rolls down her cheek
and i hold it in my palm
all the sea
wouldn't have felt heavier

ps: 1, 2 and 4 are common scenes
3 is from swades
5 is from the song boondon se baatein
6 is from spanglish

-Pic is by Basu. I thought the silhouettes of their hands formed a nice small house.

two blips on a radar

2011-10-18T23:55:00.000+05:30

one:
she stood in the sands, her feet barely wet. the waves looked intimidating and she was afraid to take another step forward. he saw her standing thus and understood what was going in her mind. he rested his chin on her shoulder, held her in an embrace and whispered in her ear: "if i promise to be your anchor, if i promise to protect you from every wave that threatens to wash you away, if i ask you to trust the love i have for you, would you still be afraid of these stupid waves??" she walked with him into the sea, almost in a trance.
it was the most beautiful day of her life.

two:
"what exactly is it that you would have me do?"
"just one thing. walk out of my life."
he was stunned.
"are you sure? not out of your room or house, but out of your life??"
"yes, yes, yes. out of my life."
"okay. whatever you say. but this won't stop me from loving you."
and he walked out.
it was the ugliest day of her life.

Idiotese

2011-10-16T23:58:00.001+05:30

You know, I oftenwonder - why you chose me over all the others that wooed you. Come to think ofit, I didn't even woo you properly.

It isn't a conscious choice that guides you in such matters. It’s just aninstinct that I followed.

But what if your instinct proves to be wrong at some later date?

Now that i have made the choice, i am willing to stand by it, come what may.

Even if that means going down with a sinking ship?

Yes, even if means that. But i won't let the ship sink, not if I have a say inthat.

Do you really have a hope of reforming a stubborn idiot?

No, i don't. i couldn't have such a hope. It’s for the idiot to realise heisn't so much of an idiot after all.

Oh! So now you are resorting to giving lectures - the very thing i hate.

And now you are resorting to what you are best at - trying to shoo away thevery people who love you. What’s your problem anyway?

I don't know.

You don't know or you don't want to know?

Why wouldn't I want to know?

Because that would put on you the responsibility to take corrective measures. Andyou have been running away from responsibilities all your life.

But being in love with you is a responsibility I’ve agreed to undertake.

Oh!! And what a task it is - to carry on a conversation when we meet and tokeep in touch through mails and phone calls when we don't. You call that aresponsibility??

Shouldn’t I?

Ask yourself.

I think it is one hell of a responsibility.

You really make me doubt my decision sometimes.

There, I caught you. What was all that talk about going down with a sinkingship, eh?

What’s this?? A debatecompetition where you try to score brownie points for every grammatical mistake??

Whatever it is, youadmitted that you doubt your decision sometimes. That means you are not surethat you are in love with me.

The decision I wasthinking of was the decision to try to talk you out of your idiot world. But Iguess you revel in this pastime. So I guess I’ll have to live with this.

You know, you are anidiot yourself. Because of your choice you are stuck with an idiot. We’ll haveno problem communicating, i think. There isn't much difference in ourintelligence levels anyway. We’ll call our language idiotese.

Sometimes, i hope youstay this lovable idiot that you are.

Immeasurable love

2011-10-13T23:49:00.000+05:30

How much do you love me?

In meters or in kilograms?

Huh?

"How much" and "How many" imply a metric. Hence the question.

Can't you just say something nice?

I wouldn't be answering the question then.

So how would you exactly measure love in meters/kilograms?

That was a sarcastic comment. But you really got me thinking.

About what?

About this metric.

You must be kidding.

No, I am not. There could be pheromonal or physiological measures but since those would require specialised equipment, I think we will have to come up with social measures.

Like the time you spend with me as a percent of total available time?

Hmm.. we will have to have a weighted average. Some activities like a date will have to have greater weightage than say, talking to you on the phone while watching tv.

Agreed.

We could build a dictionary of words I use in my mails. Do a before and after. Do the same for you. And find out how many words/phrases I picked up from you. Though I can't think of a way to convert it into a relative measure.

Hmm... We can't have a comparative measure here as I'm the only one you have ever fallen in love with. Your emails go back about five years. I'm sure if you could isolate your normal rate of vocabulary increase, you can get the additional impetus the interactions with me have given.

That could be done. While we are with words and sentences, I could measure the frequency with which you figure in my social reactions - in mails, status updates and blogs.

That would be like every single time!

I know. I am so in love with you! But I think any measure of love should not just factor me.

What do you mean?

I mean, why stop at quantifying the amount of love. We should also measure its efficacy. In other words, how it has made you reciprocate.

Couldn't we simply use the same metrics on me?

We could. But it wouldn't underscore the importance of our relationship vis-a-vis our other social interactions.

Ha! My phone bills would be ample testimony!

Mine have also shown a spike.

Not as much as mine.

Well, that is maybe because whenever I call, you are busy with something. And I always make time for you when you call.

If you are going to call a hundred times in a day, I'm going to be busy for most of those calls.

It's not a hundred.

I agree. it's more!

I love talking to you.

I know that.

So that settles it?

I love you a lot?

I guess it does.

:D

catch-22

2011-09-30T22:12:00.002+05:30

जब से तुम गए हो, ये शहर

कुछ अनजाना अधूरा सा लगता है

पर इसे छोड़ कर जो जाना चाहूं

पैरों में कुछ बंधा जकड़ा सा लगता है

कि तुम्हारी यादें न हो तो कहीं

मन कुछ सूना खाली सा लगता है

तुम्हे सोच सकूं जिसकी गलियों में

वो शहर जाना पहचाना अपना सा लगता है

Image by Basu. Part of an experiment he did with incense smoke.

Instant Shadi

2011-09-13T01:06:00.000+05:30

Will you marry me?

What did you say just now?

Will you marry me?

Are you out of your mind??!!!

No, I'm entirely in my senses.

But we met only yesterday!

So?

Isn't it presumptuous of you to pop that question in what is only our second meeting?

See, I could go about the whole courtship business. Take you out on dates, get to know you better etc etc. And then put up that question.

I'm assuming you find something amiss with this process.

See, it's thus. The whole dating process (and I'm assuming here is that it ends with the couple tying the knot) is a four-phase process. Made-up phase, make-out phase, make-up phase and make-do phase.

Huh?!!!

It's all quite simple. In the beginning, the made-up phase, the two people try to put up their best selves forward (which might not be their true selves). This is followed by physical attraction - the make-out phase. The closer they come, the more the faults become glaring, leading to fights and burying of hatchets, only to dig them up again. Hence the make-up phase. Finally, having spent so much of time loving and fighting, they realise that even though they can't live with each other, they can't live without each other too. Ergo, the make-do phase.

And going straight to marriage is the solution?

I'm not saying it's the perfect one. But marriage brings a seriousness to the relationship from the very beginning. You might think it's a spur-of-the-moment decision but any decision involving forever can't be anything but serious. I'm willing to forego the "trying things out" part of the relationship.

You think you are quite smart, don't you?

Well, I'm quite a bit, I admit.

And you think a litany can substitute for almost everything?

Well, if the words are sincere, why not?

How long did it take you to come up with that convoluted logic?

The whole of yesterday night.

You must have rehearsed it then?

Only thrice.

Hmm.. You are really committed to this, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Okay, I'm willing to give it a try.

You are really going to marry me?

Are you stupid? I said we'll go out and we'll see.

Ohh! The courtship business!

Do you have a problem with that?

Not really. See, the whole process can be re-classified into three phases with an optimal strategy for each.

Shut up. And take me out.

Oh. Okay.

Across the street

2011-09-06T23:23:00.001+05:30

He looked across the street. She was on time and she was looking at her watch. She had always been the punctual one, making fun of his inability to get anywhere on time. He wondered what she would say today. It had been a year since she had said anything to him. A year of hell.

His head buzzed with a myriad random thoughts and questions. Permutations and hypotheses. The email had been short. Almost spat-out. "Meet me for coffee tomorrow evening". No time, no place. None was needed, actually. He knew when and where. He had been then and there almost everyday for four years. Four years before last year.

This was where they had met. This was where they had parted.

She seemed worked up. She kept clenching and unclenching her fist. She always did that when she was nervous or angry. He used to hold her hand to pacify her. She would hold his fingers in a death-grip. Not meeting his eye. It always took time, but she calmed down slowly. And smiled.

He longed for that smile. But her face was hidden by the waiter. He could just see her hand by her side. Fist clenched. He felt the sudden urge to hold her hand again, entwine his fingers with her and calm her down. And yet, he stood rooted to his spot, watching her. What was it that stopped him? He didn't know but he was being torn apart.

She only had to look up once to notice him. He was standing right across the street. But she was making the pretense of concentrating on the menu. She wouldn't look up. Not when she was worked up. He knew what she would order. And yet, she was taking her time. Willing it to slow down.

They had always loved this al fresco restaurant. They would sit there making up stories about people on the other side of the street. And their own too. But all that had happened had never been in the script. He wondered if she would include him in her story if she saw him now.

Now. Here and now. A street to cross. A distance of a year. Would the ten steps make it ten more?

As he came to the table, she looked up from the menu. There was a tear welling up. He sat down and took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. And she smiled.

Marathon

2011-09-04T00:45:00.000+05:30

he was running
he didn't know why
he didn't know from whom
the thought of stopping
had never occurred to him
and so he ran
and ran and ran

on every corner he passed
he would meet a girl
the same girl
and she would smile at him
a sad smile
wanting him to stay
he would breeze past her
and on and on

sometimes he wondered
if he was running in circles
or if the girl was an illusion
or if she could run faster
but he had no time for thoughts
he was running

then one day he realised
he had been running for nothing
and his heart told him
he was in love with the girl
and so he decided to stop
but he couldn't
he tried with all his might
but his legs had a mind of their own
they carried him away

he grew sadder by the day
the girl had stopped appearing
maybe she was waiting somewhere
waiting for him to stop
and this made him sadder
he stopped looking around
hung his head down in submission
and let his legs carry him

and when he stopped thinking
of everything else
he heard a strange sound
footsteps other than his own
he looked up in surprise
she was running with him

she was all red in face
and she was out of breath
but she knew he wanted to stop
and he knew she knew that
he tried harder to stop
she tried harder to keep up

and so the struggle continued
till his legs finally gave up
and he stopped
she looked into his eyes
smiled her sad smile
and dropped down dead

tea-off!

2011-08-09T11:01:00.001+05:30

तारों की छलनी से
रात का अँधेरा छान
सूरज ने सुबह की
गरमागरम चाय परोसी है

अब नींद के चक्कर में
आप आँखें मीचे रह गए
और चाय ठंडी हो जाये
तो सूरज थोड़े ही दोषी है!

Photo by Basu.

talkative :)

2011-08-02T07:29:00.003+05:30

वो कहते हैं
अभी कुछ कहना मुमकिन नहीं
अभी हमें कहते सुनते दिन ही कितने हुए
हम क्या कहें
कि कही हुई बातें क्यूँ गिनते हो
अनकही भी तो रही है ढेर सारी

कि कहने को तो कुछ पल ही हैं
पर हर कही बात में
जाने कब तक कहने का वादा भी तो है

Pic by Basu. Taken at the Delhi zoo. I had captioned it as "Height of Love" :D

Sense of Silence

2011-07-25T12:39:00.000+05:30

can you see it?

the void of silence.

the eyes conjuring up

all the words you spoke

and your lips quivering on

some of the unsaid ones

can you feel it?

the clutch of silence.

overpowering, suffocating

forcing you to blurt out

and stopping them words

in a stranglehold

can you smell it?

the stench of silence.

wearing you with

a dementor-like demeanour

decaying words and thoughts

dead and living on

can you taste it?

the bitterness of silence.

shorn of the happy shimmer

life trundling along

lips smacking as they remember

the sweetness of words

can you hear it?

the sound of silence.

a deafening drone

drowning you down

the ears yearning to hear you

utter some words

Pic is by Basu. Taken at Lansdowne.

stuck-in-a-second

2011-07-17T09:13:00.003+05:30

I look at you, girl

standing there, moonlight-lit

some stars peeking through your hair

you haven't braided it today

the way i've always loved it

i remember telling you about it

and i'm glad you remembered

there you stand, and i close my eyes

look inside for what i had wished you'd be

your hand meets mine, in a weird symmetry

the images match and i realise

i've known you all my life

a long time for someone who felt alive just now

i want to stare and i don't

i know what i'll see and still i want

my eyes are squeezed shut

i'm afraid you could disappear

with startling suddenness

all that has to be said, has already been

in the hesitating way our fingers touched

in the way i looked at my once-loved stars

and then quickly looked back at you

and in our fidgetiness and eagerness

but there are stories to be told

and lives to be synched

what are we waiting for

standing here with this distance between us

i don't know

maybe time doesn't matter

not now

especially now.

- Written on a flight. Sometimes i can be a hopeless romantic [:P]. The pic is by Basu, as always.

gift horse and the looking in the mouth :)

2011-06-22T17:17:00.004+05:30

रात की चादर ओढ़े हम जागते रहे
तारों संग बेसिरपैर बातें करते रहे
और अब हमें जोर की नींद आई है
शुक्र है सुबह रौशनी का लिहाफ लायी है

------

रौशनी का लिहाफ ओढ़ हमने सोचा
अब अँधेरे से डरना बंद हो जायेगा
चमक से आँखें कुछ ऐसी चुंधिया गयीं
उजाले में नहाये नींद को तरसते हैं

Poetry meets Reality

2011-05-22T18:13:00.002+05:30

आप कहते रहे जाने क्या
हम आपको कहते देखते रहे
जितना प्यार करें कम है
ऐसा कुछ सोचते रहे
दुनियादारी के ज़माने में शायद
बातों पर भी थोडा ध्यान देना था
अब खड़े हैं यहाँ सर खुजाते
कि पता नहीं आलू कितने किलो लेना था

:P :D

job description

2011-05-15T23:06:00.002+05:30

दिन भर रौशनी के
महीन धागे चुन
सोचो चाँद क्या करता
रातों में ठाने धुन
जिन टूटे तारों पे
आपने अपने सपने देखे
चाँद वापस उन्हें
आसमान में टाँके
क्यूंकि ख्वाब आपके
पूरे तो ज़रूर होंगे
पर आसमान में छेद भी
अच्छे नहीं लगेंगे

i-vs-love-vs-me

2011-05-14T15:04:00.000+05:30

it's hard to find
where i end
and "we" begin
the ends tie together
the ties end together
it's the sunshine
playing with the shadows
and the shadows
where they were many
are now a porous existence
polka-dotted, grayed

is this love?
or a search for meaning
deep within myself?

----------

i tried to imagine
what i would be
if i weren't you
i would be me
but then again,
who am i?
----------

तुम्हे चाहते हैं हम इतना
कि दूर रहने की सोच
घबरा सा जाते हैं
पर कैसे कहें कि
खुद को खो कर
तुम्हारी इन राहों पे
हाथ थामे चलते
रुक से जाते हैं

-image is by Basu.

twist in the tale

2011-04-30T13:21:00.003+05:30

एक ख्याल आया कि
बालू भरे जूते
थोड़े साफ़ कर लें
फिर सोचा कि
रेगिस्तान तो अभी
कई और भी हैं

-------

कोशिश करते रहे
धूसर दीवारों में
बाहर देखने को
झरोखे बना सकें...
एक नज़र उठा कर
देखा भी नहीं
सर पे हमारे सतरंगी
आसमान ताकता रहा

wakey wakey!

2011-04-15T10:21:00.002+05:30

सुबह आँखें मलते
मैंने पूछा सूरज से
शर्म नहीं आती जगाते
हर सुबह नींद से
माना कि नौकरी करना
तुम्हारी मजबूरी है
पर सपने देखना
भी तो ज़रूरी है!

folly story

2011-04-11T07:34:00.002+05:30

Ingredients of the case:
A flight ticket that bears the correct time, both on printout and boarding pass.
A check-in counter attendant of the same breed as me.
And finally, stupid stupid me!

The story:
Flight at 6:30. Naween Kumar wakes up at 4:30. Gets ready. Cab arrives at 5:00. Leaves for airport. Arrives safely. Checks in a bag. Goes thru security check. 15 mins to boarding. Tries to take a short nap. Is unsuccessful though. Is the first in line at the boarding gate. Asks the lady if boarding for the mumbai flight has started. Lady asks for boarding pass. Naween hands it over. She smiles.
'' Sir, you are booked on an evening flight!''

Consequences:
Surprisingly, minimum. Corporate booking ensures no rescheduling charges or fare difference. Naween books himself on a 8 am flight. Reschedules cab in mumbai.

Embarrassment:
Unsurprisingly, maximum.

Things that could have happened:
Naween could have noticed the time on ticket in the one week he has had it for. The check-in attendant could have noticed the time on the ticket. Naween could have done without the mental translation of the 24 hour format time on the ticket.

Learning of the story:
Wake up!

Chances of learning getting implemented:
Dim. Since Naween had arrived at a similar learning when he had done a similar exercise for a train booking.

Two sides of the same coin

2011-04-10T00:46:00.000+05:30

I hate you.

No, you don't.

No, I do.

No, you don't.

You are not the decision maker here.

I know. And still I say, you don't hate me.

You are being arrogant.

No, I'm not. Tell me, why do you hate me?

Because you make me feel miserable.

Define miserable.

Look it up in the dictionary.

I know what it means. I just want to know what you mean by that.

You make me cry.

Because I love you?

No, it's not because of that. I know no one could have loved more.

Then, why?? I could tell you why but you won't like the answer.

You are saying you know me better than I do myself?

That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that I could tell you things you are afraid to say to yourself.

Shoot!

You are afraid to lose control, you don't want to lose yourself in emotions that might get out of hand.

How do you know that?

Because for all this time I've been in love with you, you've kept me out of your inner world.

And you have been ever-insistent on barging in..

Yes, I have done that. Not because I wanted to interfere. But only because I wanted to share.

Share what? Your sense and understanding of the world ? And thrust it upon me?

If you had just given up that line of thought for one small moment, you would have seen that it's not much different from yours. It's a dream we've seen together. It's just that you refuse to acknowledge your share.

I'm not a dreamer.

In your own obstinate way, you are. You just don't want to share your dreams. Not even with the one the dream is for.

You are making me cry again.

I am just making you see the fact that I would NEVER want to change you. Because the way you are, is the way I've fallen in love with. Why would I ever want to change that?

Can you promise me that you will keep trying to drill some sense no matter how stubborn I am?

I will. And you know that.

Yes, I do.

Now, stop crying.

Yes, I should.

बातूनी बातें

2011-04-10T00:33:00.001+05:30

तुम गए तो क्या हुआ
अब भी बातें करते हैं हम
अधूरे किस्सों को पूरा करते
तुमसे मिला करते हैं हम

पर ऐसे बातें करो तो
यादों पे शक होता है
कि जिनको गले लगाये बैठे हैं
वो मन का भरम तो नहीं हैं कहीं

अधूरे किस्से शायद
कभी शुरू ही ना हुए हों
तुमने कुछ कहा भी ना होगा
और हमने सब सुन लिया होगा

पर क्या करें, तुम संग बातें
तो कुछ और ही होती थीं
मिल पाते थे खुद से कहीं
वो रातें कुछ और ही होती थीं

सच हों या हो झूठ
बातों पे हमारा कोई बस नहीं
होती हैं तुमसे और होती रहेंगी
तुम यहाँ रहो या नहीं

तुम तो चले गए
अब बातों से ही यारी है
आदत ये हमारी
तुमने ही बिगाड़ी है

spring-cleaning

2011-04-02T17:31:00.002+05:30

the brain is not an infinite dustbin
i have some spring-cleaning to do
memories that have taken root
grown into a labyrinth i get lost in

there's a carton of dusty photographs
grainy with specks of time
and there are some footprints
times when i stood my ground
stubborn, sometimes foolishly so

sepia-toned words and sentences
tomes i've guarded against time
laced with smiles and tears
people long gone, living in these words
still speaking to me

and the mind, i know
isn't ready to give up any of this
so the broom-work will be more of
wrestling and pushing and fighting
and explaining and cajoling

but the labyrinth is
holding me back
there are new memories to be made
new pictures to be taken
more smiles and tears

and i can't
just stay HERE

Photo by Basu.

gibberish

2011-03-19T23:58:00.001+05:30

when you get blue
it's just like glue
messy and sticky
baddy and saddy
but the sky is blue
and the sea is blue
and both are happy
though sometimes saddy
so blue isn't bad
actually a fine lad
glue is also better
keeps things together
so when you are blue
you need some glue
but the problem is
you can get the blue
but need someone else
to get the glue

- i am on a draft-clearing mission. there are some twenty of them in my account. this was a draft dated June 2009. I have no idea what i was trying to write then, and still i thought i might as well post it :P

in pursuit of happyness

2011-03-18T14:29:00.002+05:30

तुम्हारी कही हुई
उन सारी बातों में
अपने नामों के निशां
ढूंढ रहा हूँ

कल बिताई थी जो शाम
उसके छोरों में कहीं
नयी कहानियों के सिरे
ढूंढ रहा हूँ

तुम जो कल मुस्कराए थे
उस हंसी में छुपी
मुझसे कही कोई बात
ढूंढ रहा हूँ

हाथ जो टकराए थे
उस पल की छुअन में
कुछ नए अनछुए एहसास
ढूंढ रहा हूँ

हाँ मैं आज फिर
तुम्हे सोचते हुए
तुमसे मिलने के बहाने
ढूंढ रहा हूँ

scrawl and scribble

2011-03-15T12:38:00.003+05:30

i had a four-day training session where, out of boredom, i drew some random stuff :P

house vs home

2011-03-12T00:14:00.001+05:30

तपती दीवारों के काँधे पर
सर रख कर रोते हैं हम
इस आशियाने के मरघट में
रात अकेले होते हैं हम
घर आने से रोज़ डरते हैं
नुक्कड़ पर रुक सा जाते हैं
जिस दिन से तुम गए हो, हम
अपने घर में पराये से रहते हैं

aanchal

2011-03-06T13:33:00.004+05:30

she fell into his arms. she was sobbing, shuddering involuntarily at each intake of breath. he could do nothing but hold her and cry with her.

he thought he had had enough of the usual fare. a plush job at a multinational, an apartment in the swankiest part of the city - and yet the humdrum was almost suffocating. the human in him cried out in agony. but what could he do? years of toeing the drawn line had ingrained in him a subdued submission. he could not make himself think out of the box anymore - and the box seemed to close in on him at an ever increasing pace. that was when he heard of the orphanage. an hour a weekend, he decided. what was there to lose? after all, he spent much more attending the evening bashes. his decision was greeted with the usual derision but it had been long since he had grown indifferent to it.

she looked exactly the same as she had the first time he had seen her, more so because she had been crying then too.

he walked through the gates with a dull anticipation. he was about to ask someone for directions to the head's office when something struck against his legs. looking down he found that it was a small girl - no more than five or six - who had collided with him. she clasped his legs in a vice and pointed to a boy who stood some distance away waving a doll in his hand. but on seeing a grown up, he stopped this and looked on sullenly. it was now apparent to him what had transpired between the two children. he sat down on his knees to pacify the girl but she wouldn't stop crying. he couldn't see her face as half of it was turned away from him and the other half was hidden behind a mop of hair that fell across it. he made her face him and waved away the tresses on her face. tears flowing, she lifted her eyes and looked at him - and he knew he had met someone very special.

he rubbed her back and drew her closer. finally, she stopped crying. but she wouldn't let go of his hand, as if it were the last thing she would ever hold.

he began to look forward to spending the weekend with her. she would hop gleefully when she spotted him at the gate. and then, sitting at the edge of the playground, they would spend hours talking to each other. he felt an unconditional affection emanating from her. in her eagerness to tell him everything, she would often run out of breath, so that he had to tell her to slow down a bit. slowly but surely, he came to a decision. it was a difficult one but he gave it a lot of thought before making up his mind. he decided to take her home, to adopt her.

he remembered why he had named her 'aanchal'. her face looked so beautiful when it was half-hidden with her hair - it was as if she had worn a veil, one that hid only half her face.

at first, the head of the orphanage refused him flatly. there was no precedent, he said. but he persevered and maybe the head felt the bond between aanchal and him. finally, after a lot of paperwork and background queries, he obtained custody of her. they walked out of the orphanage hand in hand - she was carrying a bag full of her possessions which she refused to let him carry.

they were going home.

he looked past her at his parents and the livid expression on their faces. but this wasn't the first time.

he hadn't told anyone about aanchal yet. he simply hadn't felt the need. there was no reason anyone would object to his decision. but he was wrong. the first salvo came from his girlfriend. she simply went into a fit of rage on hearing what he had to say. he tried to reason with her but she wouldn't stop. and when she called aanchal his illegitimate child, he shut the door on her - literally. they had been going steady for the past two years and yet it felt strange that he didn't see any signs of remorse in himself. but if he thought it was going to end at this, he was gravely mistaken.

he looked into her eyes and asked her if she was crying because she felt bad for the things his parents had said to her.

life was turned into a virtual hell for him. everywhere he went, the snide remarks and suppressed giggles followed him. how people could pass these moralistic judgments, he never could quite comprehend. all his relatives tried to persuade him to change his decision, giving all sorts of arguments. but he stayed put. in the evenings when he sat down with aanchal to watch the television, he felt all the tension draining away. he helped her with her homework - not much because she was surprisingly quick at picking up new things. and then, one fine day, his parents came.

"no," she replied, "it's because i can't see you crying."

it was a veritable war of words. his father talked of societal pressures and norms and he told him that he didn't give a damn about any of these. tempers flared and he forgot that aanchal was there, witnessing all this. in their frustration, his parents turned on aanchal and told her things he had wanted to protect her from, the very reason he had brought her out of the orphanage. before he could stop them, the deed was done. she fell into his arms. she was sobbing, shuddering involuntarily at each intake of breath. he could do nothing but hold her and cry with her.

"what's your final answer? " his father asked him.

he took her hand in his and walked out.

-------------------------------------------------------

this is the first story i ever wrote. was based on a dream i had. come to think of it, i have overused this style of story-telling :P.

reality bites

2011-03-03T21:56:00.005+05:30

बड़ी शिद्दत से हमने कभी
की थी उजालों की ख्वाइश
सोचा था होगा हमारा सवेरा
और किरणों की बारिश
पर शामों में सारे
अरमान धुल से गए
अँधेरे में हम कहीं एक
परछाईं बने रह गए

babbling bricks

2011-02-14T22:10:00.002+05:30

ख़बरों की दुकान होते हैं
सुना है दीवारों के कान होते हैं
अकेले में कही बातें सुन लेते हैं
यादों की गठरी बना रख लेते हैं
इस कोठरी में पडा
तुमको सोच रहा हूँ
अपने बीच की दीवारों से
तुम्हारी बातें पूछ रहा हूँ
...

:)

2011-02-06T23:45:00.001+05:30

there was a time
when i was jealous
of your wings
how you could soar so high
and leave the weary earth

but now i know
you don't have to have wings
to fly high in my sky

Photo by Basu.

being one :)

2011-02-06T23:22:00.001+05:30

अँधेरे की चादर में
उजली सी सिलवटें हैं
मेरी नींदों में कुछ
तेरी करवटें हैं

शाखों से गिरे
मेरे पत्तों की हरियाली से
तुम्हारी धूसर सुबहें
मटियामेट हो जाती हैं
कुछ तुम संग हम
धूमिल हो जाते हैं
कुछ हमारे संग तुम
खिल उठते हो

चलें तो तुम
पैरों को जकड़े रहते हो
रुकें तो तुम
कानों में कुछ कहते हो

अब इस से ज्यादा क्या कहें
सुबह उठते हैं हम
तो सूरज से पहले
तुम्हे खोजा करते हैं

photo by Crazy.

ashes to ashes

2011-02-04T23:50:00.002+05:30

उनके सिराहने रात भर बैठे रहे
अधखुली आँखों से भोर का इंतज़ार करते रहे
फिर ओस के कुछ मोती सहेज
उनके कानों में पहना दिया

हाथों से ढक उन्हें बैठे रहे
शैतान सूरज से बचाते रहे
पर वो उठे, और सर झटक
सूरज की किरणों से हाथ मिला लिया

arm-twisting tactics

2011-01-28T11:56:00.001+05:30

ask me out to lunch.

but i hardly know you.

would you have asked me out if you knew me?

that would have depended on the outcome of the whole knowing-you-process.

so how exactly do you expect to carry out this process?

you are assuming that i want to know you in the first place.

don't you?

i may or may not. but i am certainly not taking orders.

how do you decide who you want to know better?

it's not an exact science.

i bet it's not rocket science either. what are your thumb rules?

i don't know!! i don't put conscious thought into that decision.

ok. so you are saying that your knowing-you-process starts from a shaky premise.

i never said that.

yes, you did. and in so many words.

but it's my prerogative. i choose who i want to know better. and i am free to deploy whatever techniques i might want to.

yes, but you could at least be consistent in your approach.

i am.

are you sure?

i don't have a recorded scientific cause-effect analysis on this subject!!

ok. coming back to what we were talking about, would you like to know me better? what do your ''techniques'' conclude?

hmph!! having spent so much time arguing, i very well might.

and how will you go about this knowing-you-better-process?

by spending some more time with you.

in ways such as?

in ways such as.. taking you out to lunch.

there you go!

*dumbfounded silence*

elephant in the room

2011-01-23T22:49:00.000+05:30

The weight of the unsaid
Hangs heavy between us
Layered sentences and half-muttered words
Said with hesitating halts and jittery jumps

The fists clench and unclench
Pondering whether to set the truth free
And for every pregnant pause
The air reeks of anticipation

We know what is to be said
It's the manner of doing it that eludes us

मोहब्बतें

2011-01-23T22:36:00.003+05:30

सूरज की आँखों से
दुनिया जाने कैसी दिखती होगी
दो रंगों में बंटी
आधी काली, आधी सफ़ेद दिखती होगी
सूरज की आँखों से
कुछ छुप ना पाता होगा
जितनी बुरी, जितनी अच्छी, जैसी भी
दुनिया का नक्शा दिख जाता होगा
सूरज फिर भी चक्कर काटे
धरती संग दिन रात बांटे
दोनों का गहरा नाता है
सूरज ये रिश्ता खूब निभाता है
बस यही प्यार की कहानी है
धरती सूरज की दीवानी है
जो जैसा है, बस उसको ही चाहे
तो कोई क्यूँ ना वापस प्यार निबाहे?

man of few words

2010-12-19T18:48:00.003+05:30

i don't want to talk to you.

okay.

for ever.

okay.

do you realize that i'm breaking up with you?

yes, i do.

and you are okay with it?

i've seen it coming for quite some time now.

i just want you to know that nothing you say or do now is going to change my decision.

i'm not going to say or do anything. you must have put enough thought into the decision.

i can't believe you are letting it go just like that. i was expecting a big tamasha.

then you don't me yet. and i'm not letting you go.

so i was right?

no. it will all be in my mind. nothing that should affect you.

you know, the earlier thing about not knowing you. you have done absolutely nothing to make that easier.

i know.

god knows how i have tried. i can't take it anymore.

i know.

is this all a big joke to you? here i am, crying and you stand there just like that?

my time for tears will come too.

whatever. listen, i've got to go. i wish i could have parted with some nice words. but frankly, i have none.

i can understand.

incoherent rambling

2010-12-14T17:47:00.006+05:30

some stupid waves came
and swept away my sand-castle
and as i picked up
the last remains of my creation
i could not help but wonder
should i stop building altogether?

the waves, they'd always be there
waiting just beyond the shore
watching me build the castle
nimble-footed for the kill
and so i confronted them
asked if i had ever wronged them
and why they couldn't let me
enjoy the fruits of my labor
even for one evanescent moment

and they replied in sad voices
they were bound by an ancient curse
to rise up and then fall down
in one endless excruciating cycle
it hurt them as much
destroying my castle
and so, while retreating, they'd stay
just a second more at my feet
asking for forgiveness

and now i realised
i had been quick to judge
putting my pain
above everyone else's

so i stopped
making stupid castles
played with the waves instead
and in place of something
that broke in a second
i got something special
a friend for life

photo by Basu. More of the same beautiful stuff can be seen here. even i can't make any sense out of what i've written here :P

OCD

2010-12-13T12:23:00.004+05:30

शैतान चाँद रोज़ रात
पोटली भर अनगिनत तारे
इधर उधर यूँ ही बिखरा
सारा आसमान गन्दा करता है
फिर सुबह बेचारा सूरज
गुस्से में लाल हो कर
हाथ में झाड़ू लिए
सब तारे साफ़ करता है

no contingency planning

2010-11-28T12:55:00.003+05:30

i stole some stars
and hid them in my cupboard
waiting for you to come
so i could share them with you
we would sit there
and i would bring out the stars
look at your shining face
and your happy eyes
and your sparkling smile

but it all ended in nought
you chose the daytime
to come visit me
and all my stars
were just ugly rocks in your hands.

i stole the phrase ''stolen stars'' from this beautiful piece.

Focus, focus!!!

2010-10-31T11:25:00.000+05:30

Tears streamed down his face as he thought about the past few days. ''Broken beyond repair'' was how he felt about his life. He ran a finger along the sharp edge of the knife he was holding and then he just sat there staring at the thin rivulet of blood. The doors were locked, the suicide note was written, the stage was set. Life, as he had lived it, raced past his empty eyes. And then his eyes caught a sudden movement. A Pizza Hut coupon had freed itself from the pile of newspapers and was fluttering about under the fan. Two days ago, they had ordered pizzas and she'd sat with him at that very spot on the floor as they watched their favorite show on tv. He wondered what she would think of him when she heard the news. Or did she care any longer? The coupon suddenly felt heavy in his hands. He stared at it for some more time. He felt he had to do something. His hand scrambled for his phone, the pain of the cut finger forgotten. The number was on speed dial.
''Hello! I'd like to order a small chicken supreme pizza...''

गरीबी की कहानी

2010-01-05T23:43:00.002+05:30

टिमटिमाते टिमटिमाते कभी
अँधेरे में धंस गायब हो जाते हैं
तारों पे भरोसा मत करना
जब ज़रुरत पड़ती है कतरा जाते हैं

इंसान बेचारा चाह कर भी
कुछ कहाँ कर पाता है
रात के सारे हिसाब वो रखें
उनके पास सपनों का खाता है

तो भईया लो, सारे सपने
चमकीले साहूकार गिरवी रखें
और जब डूबते दिल को ज़रुरत पड़े
दूर से चोर सारे ठेंगा दिखावें

inspired by a song from the movie ishqiya :)

wide-eyed

2009-12-05T20:09:00.005+05:30

अजनबी आंखों में
कोई अपना सा दिखा था
मेरे सपनों का शहर
कहीं और भी दिखा था

घूरती आंखों की भीड़ में
कुछ अपनापन मिला था
कुछ जाना पहचाना सा
रेगिस्तान में ठिकाना मिला था

पर कुछ कह पाती मेरी आँखें
इस से पहले वो आँखें मुड़ गईं
मैंने तो सुनहरा सफर देखा
पर राहें कहीं और मुड़ गईं

कुछ देर ठहरा रहा मैं वहीँ
मन में कुछ सोचता रहा
घूरती आंखों की भीड़ में
वो प्यारी आँखें खोजता रहा

फ़िर एक भूली बिसरी याद
कुछ कंपा कर चली गई
जिनसे मिला था अभी मैं
वो आँखें देखीं थी मैंने पहले भी

पर इस अजनबी भीड़ में
अब वो भी अजनबी ही हैं
भीड़ वाली आंखों की तरह
वो भी बस घूरती ही हैं

तुम्हारी आंखों में कभी
मैंने ख़ुद को देखा था
जोड़ कुछ कच्चे धागे सोचा
अब अजनबी नही रहे
तुम से ख़ुद के मायने
ढूंढता मैं रह गया यहीं
अब जो तुम यहाँ नही
मैं भी मैं नही
----------------

inspired by this poem [which is much better than this one]. and the title song of socha na tha. photo by basu. i had named it 'look in my eyes'. hence its appearance in this post. ]

wanton wants

2009-12-04T00:11:00.006+05:30

the lovely walk. and the desire to run.
the reassuring earth. and the desire for the blue sky.
the lovely embrace. and the desire to break free.
the freedom of solitude. and the desire for love.
the suffocation. and the desire for some air.
the empty arms. and the desire for something for the void.
the happiness around. and the desire to shed a tear.
the tears within. and the desire to paste a smile.
the words. and the desire for some meaning.
the truth. and the desire that it didn't mean that.
the baggage. and the desire it was lighter.
the journey ahead. and the desire that nothing was left behind.
the memories. and the desire for a clean slate.
the forgotten flashes. and the desire to hold on.
the black and white. and the desire for color.
the tired eyes. and the desire for a plainer world.

wings. and the burden on the shoulders.
wings. and the desire to fly.

I. and I.

[added after rohit's comment: the photo i ripped from some random blog i reached through some other random blog. and i forgot which one. a google image search with the file name gives five results. and i still don't remember which one it was :P]

reasons?

2009-11-30T20:56:00.002+05:30

i'm crying.
for things i can't say.
for all the things i said.
for people i won't meet.
for people that never were.
for fleeting moments.
for moments that don't go away.
for dreams that became the stars.
for the stars i'll see alone.
for sand castles that lie broken.
for the quicksand that holds me.
for empty outstretched arms.
for loving embraces.

for the butterfly that flew away.

dream on!

2009-11-24T00:00:00.006+05:30

and every time
i grow weary of
the winds beating my face
i look at my candle
and see how it's fighting
the winds with me
and i can open my eyes
to the strongest gales

and every time
i'm lost in the forest
stuck in a thorny embrace
bleeding and bleeding
i can see my butterfly
fluttering around me
and i can break free
to walk the stones again

and every time
the black-bricked walls and
the darkness in my heart
start drowning me
i peep out of
my white window
and i can see
my hope fairy flying by

[photo by Basu]

the 'hope fairy' is from pandora's tale. i have mentioned her previously too. here and here.

come, sit :)

2009-11-14T23:31:00.005+05:30

आओ बैठें ज़रा
बावरे होने का फ़र्ज़
अदा कर दें
जलते सूरज को
प्यारी बातों से हंसा
चाँद को जला दें

आओ बैठें ज़रा
कि पार्क की ये बेंच
बड़ी अकेली लग रही है
इसकी बातें सुन
कल फिर आने का
वादा कर लें

आओ बैठें ज़रा
बहुत दूर जाना है
थोडा सुस्ता लें
माना इंतज़ार कर रही
पर रास्ते को भी
थोडा चिढा दें

आओ बैठें ज़रा
तितलियों के पंखों की
आवाजें सुन लें
जाने कब से
ये हमारी वाली तितली
कुछ कहना चाह रही है

आओ बैठें ज़रा
गोल घूमती दुनिया के
गोल घूमते लोगों से
थोडा दूर जा कर
अपनी अलग दुनिया बसा
उसमें गोल घूमें

आओ बैठें ज़रा
कि चलते हैं हम तो
तेरी आँखें नहीं दिखतीं
बड़ा जतन कर
तुम्हे हंसाता हूँ तो
हंसी नहीं दिखती

[photo by Basu]

[inspired by various sources: this xkcd comic; two and a half men season 6, episode 15; some 'jhoom barabar jhoom' songs'; and various others :P]

the water cycle

2009-11-14T21:03:00.003+05:30

every day i wake up
and say to myself
i wouldn't think of you

then things happen
and even though i don't want
i remember

i talk to you
and tell you everything
all in my mind

i have you around me
all the shiny stars
in my small starry sky

and before i know it
i'm thinking of you
all through the day

every day i got to bed
crying to myself
thinking of you

supply-demand gap

2009-11-13T00:37:00.005+05:30

i wonder why
the shooting stars
never dry up
every time i think
i'm done with dreaming
there's a shooting star
burning through the sky
asking for a wish

i once thought
i'd had too many already
and i wouldn't wish
upon the shooting star
but then it hung right there
stuck in the sky
helpless, puppy-eyed
looking at me
and i had to

so i became the wanderer
running away
from wish-hungry stars
i know it's foolish
trying to run away
from the sky above
but i have to

each wish is a candle
i have to keep lit
and protect from
all the winds and rains
and even though
i have a stupid heart
to wish on every star
but for all those candles
i only have two hands

[image by Crazy]

miscommunication

2009-11-10T23:38:00.004+05:30

उसे घेर बैठे
तकते रहे रात भर
सुबह मुंह लटकाए
चले गए अपने घर
चाँद ने सोचा उन्हे
कहने की ज़रूरत नही
तारे सोचते रहे उसने
कुछ कहा क्यों नही

-------------

अनकही बातों का
सूनापन लादे
चलने का दर्द
सहा नही जाता
कहते हैं
कह देने से
ना कह पाने का
गम नही सताता

-----

unsaid

2009-11-08T21:46:00.001+05:30

so, what's your story?

why do you think i should have a story?

so you're saying you don't have one?

i didn't say that!

that means you have one!

i didn't say that either!!

ha ha! i caught you there, didn't i?

but seriously, why do you think i have a story?

there's a faraway look in your eyes. like you're searching for someone else in me.

really, is it that evident?

i wouldn't have known otherwise, would i?

what if there is no story and i'm still searching for someone else?

you would have told me then, i think. among all the nonsense we've talked about.

so you mean to say i'm hiding something?

not hiding exactly. it's just a story that's stuck with you and refuses to go away.

hmm...

so are you going to tell me?

some other day, maybe.

you know, you don't need to.

thank you for that.

the news today

2009-11-07T00:24:00.002+05:30

-aamir khan says idiot is not the same as stupid. i wonder where he gets his english word meanings from.

-two mass shootings in america in two days. osama bin laden (if he's alive) must be thinking he's better off having roasted camel in some cave in afghanistan. the americans will kill themselves.

-cricinfo came out with a list of highest scores by batsmen in matches that their teams eventually lost. guess what, sachin figures the most number of times (along with gayle). what does this tell you? that india is a one-man team? or that he's not a good finisher? the appearance of statistics, like a gun, depends on which end you are looking at.

- here's another statistic. sachin has scored nearly double the runs of the player comes second when you tally the runs scored by indian players in matches india lost eventually.( i selected all matches where tendulkar played). but then his average in matches india lost is only 33.11, much lower than his career average of 44.59.

- the saga of mr. madhu koda, the former CM of jharkhand is getting bigger and bigger by the day. the people of jharkhand are proud that they now have a son of the soil who's made a name for the state by being the mastermind of probably the biggest scam in the history of this country.

- china is auctioning condoms that were meant to be sold at the olympics. now this would undoubtedly be a marathon event.

- and, looks like, someone's pockets really got warmed up by all this talk of global warming. al gore is set to become a 'carbon billionaire'. though i must also mention that he's denied this allegation.

- aaj ke samachar samapt hue.

PS: i'm thinking of starting a blog where i'll post interesting links i trawl through in a day. let's see where this goes.

things that go bump in the night

2009-11-03T23:28:00.003+05:30

he felt a dull pain in the pit of his stomach. as if he'd been kicked hard in the solar plexus. the thing he had dreaded the most all these days had happened after all. there she was, someone he'd thought he'd never see again. had actually prayed this shouldn't happen. and what was she doing in this city, of all places? she had no reason to visit this city, as far as he knew. but then, it had been so many years - 3 years 5 months 12 days to be exact - and he didn't know much about her anyway.

but the reasoning and recap could be dealt with later. there was an immediate problem at hand. he had no idea what his expression was like at that particular instant: surprise, teary remembrance, feigned smile..? he was afraid all this must have summed up into one big constipated demeanor. hell, she was walking toward him. why couldn't she have simply turned and walked away? or why hadn't he run away the moment their eyes met?

there was no escape possible now. what was he going to say?? there were actually so many things to say but he'd vowed to himself he would never say them to her. so should he just say 'hi'? an intimate past reduced to a 'hi'? a life of loving her (at least this was what it had seemed to him then) and a 'hi'?

hi

there it was again.. the kick to his stomach..

hi!! it's been so long since i last saw you!

3 years, 5 months, 12 days since the day you went away..

oh yes, i moved out of the city. job change and all, you know. earning a living is tough these days.. so what are you up to these days?

please don't answer that. please please. i don't want to know anything about your life any more. makes me realise i'm not a part of it. and won't ever be..

just the same. sticking to the old job.. but thinking of shifting.. am here to give an interview..

and there it was! the reason why he didn't want the answer. what should he do now? pray that she gets the job now and he might have a chance of running into her at some corner another day. or pray she stays away so he doesn't throw himself into the same circles again?

oh! super! so have you given it or is it scheduled later?

arre i gave it yesterday. actually it went quite okay. i think i'll get the job.

fuck!!

congratulations!!!

don't ask the company. don't ask the company.

so which lucky company is it?

haha! i don't know if they are lucky or not. it's the same company you work in.

that smile again! how hard he had tried to forget it. and the accompanying crinkling at the edges of her eyes. but wait a sec! what did she say just now?

i'm sorry i didn't get you..

oh ho! i got a job in your office!

you mean this one!

he felt like an idiot actually pointing to the building he had just come out of. on second thought, he now had the reason why she was here. and he wasn't feeling good about the whole thing.

yes sir, THIS one!

oh!

why, is that a problem for you?

no, no, i mean...

yes, it is. how will i live with seeing you everyday and knowing that i can't love you? or remember everyday the day you left me. or go through the reasons you gave for leaving me. how will i now close the cupboard of memories i had somehow managed to lock shut. memories and all my dreams.

see, i know it's awkward. but you should also realise that we weren't meant to be together. i'm really sorry.

DON'T SAY THAT!

say what?

that you're sorry!

why so?

it's a convoluted reason. you wouldn't understand. anyway, congratulations once again. see you in office soon. bbye.

don't say sorry coz you can't be sorry for leaving me. or else you would have come back. no, you are sorry for starting it in the first place. for loving me ever. and i can't take that sorry. coz that's a love i hold dear still. even though i'll never tell you now. and suddenly, that project in the other city seems inviting... but for now, just run and don't look back...

why one shouldn't browse the internet while in office

2009-11-02T16:56:00.001+05:30

it started with two seemingly innocuous stories on bbc.co.uk. number 1 and number 2 . both dealt with records created by making food of huge proportions. so those items were then searched on wiki. and meatball and tiramisu lead to cheesecakes and creampuffs and ostkaka and fatost and white and dark chocolate and mascarpone and boston cream pie and sachertorte and Prinzregententorte and so on. and then i reached the cheesecake factory. and happened to go through their menu.

and all this made me feel H.U.N.G.R.Y.!!!!

(long) short story

2009-11-01T18:55:00.004+05:30

see, please don't take this the wrong way. but i've grown rather fond of our conversations. there's this connection i've made with you that just hasn't happened ever before. time just flies by when i'm with you. you've come to mean much more than just a friend to me. i feel something missing the day i don't talk to you. and i try desperately not to have any such days. you might have noticed my stupid attempts to start a conversation or the insane reasons i give for calling you up. and there's also the bombardment of SMSs. you see, there's this desire to be in constant touch with you, to tell you things as soon as they happen, to make you the first one i share it with. i never thought i would feel like this with anyone but here i am, going through this whirlwind of emotions.

149 words and you still can't say 'i love you'.

you were counting?

yes, i was.

so what do you say?

i sat through 149 stupid words and am still sitting here. you still need an answer?

oh.

spinning stories

2009-11-01T01:24:00.003+05:30

blurred images speed past
as if i'm on a train

i hold you once again
and turn round and round
smiles meet grins
as we shout out in glee
i realise i love you
with everything i have

teary visions clear up
and baggy eyes light up

we sit there on the porch
looking at the stars up above
wishing upon each one
something for one another
i hold your hand
and my world's complete

the dark of the night
gives way to some light

we talk and talk
and empty our hearts out
and as you lay your head
gently on my shoulder
you know i'll be there for you
forever and ever

i have my finger on rewind

pop goes my heart

2009-10-31T18:52:00.003+05:30

me buying some ACT II popcorn. and this aunty asks me how it's cooked. and i explain to her how easy it is to "cook" this thing. and she buys a pack too.

but the important thing here is: someone asked me how to cook something!! :))

[the title is a song in the movie 'music and lyrics'. i'm listening to the soundtrack again. well, mostly 'don't write me off just yet' and 'way back into love']

alternate reality

2009-10-27T20:39:00.003+05:30

खामोश आँखें कहें तुम्हे ढेरों बातें
and they plead you to listen
सहमा मन कहने से डरे पर
wishing you understand nevertheless
सिमटा सा किसी कोने पे खड़ा
i hope you recognise me
सोचूँ तुम आंखों की बातें पढ़ लो सारी
and say something of your own
पर जानूं मैं ऐसा होगा न कभी
all these words will remain unsaid
आंसू बन कर बह जायेंगे कभी
and i'll be standing here at this corner
जाने क्यों ये सब जान कर भी
i believe you'll understand
वो सब जो मैं कहना चाहूँ
without me saying anything at all

[didn't come out quite right. the idea was to write it in a way that the hindi and english make sense both ways - taken alone and taken together.]

फ़िर मिलेंगे :)

2009-10-11T23:56:00.002+05:30

तारों की छलनी से
छन कर आती चांदनी की
उजली किरणों की आड़ में
तेरे चेहरे की चांदनी को तकते
एक वो रात गुजारी थी
हाथों में तेरा हाथ
मुट्ठी में तारों का एहसास
कुछ कहती पलकों की थिरकन
शैतान सी कौंधती माथे की शिकन

-----

हर रात तारों को तकते
उस रात को सोचते हैं हम
मुस्कराते हुए फ़िर मिलने की सोच
हाथों की लकीरों में
उस रात के तारों के निशाँ
खोजते रहते हैं हम

----------

वो देखो चाँद कह रहा है
तुम भी उधर अपनी हथेली
ऐसे ही देख रही हो
मेरी उँगलियों की लिखी कहानी में
कुछ अपने शब्द जोड़
मेरी तरह मुस्करा रही हो

-----

उस रात के तारे सारे
जाने फ़िर मिलें ना मिलें
पर जाने क्यों मुझे भरोसा है
अगली बार जब हम मिलेंगे
तुम्हारी आंखों में फ़िर वही
रौशनी की परछाईयाँ दिखेंगी

-----

जल्दी कोई मिलने का बहाना निकालो
कि अब दूरी का दर्द खलने लगा है
आज की रात फ़िर वही रात हो
ये सोच सूरज भी जल्दी ढलने लगा है

------

my computer oddities

2009-10-10T19:31:00.002+05:30

-i have to have my taskbar on the right side of the screen. helps me see more icons in quick launch. and also more applications buttons.

-i can't use the trackpad of my laptop. (a)because my finger gets numb (b) because i keep touching it inadvertently while typing and (c) because it doesn't have a middle click. so i keep it switched off.

-i can't live without the middle click. browsing is a chore otherwise.

-i've had a mild RSI once. had to change to a left-handed mouse and stop touch-typing. what's even weirder, i got the same symptoms when my laptop crashed and was down for 2 weeks. withdrawal symptoms, i think.

-i've stopped trying out software. (a)because i no longer have access to kgp LAN (b) because i no longer feel like doing so. there was a time when i was installing/uninstalling something or the other every single day.

-making your searches open in a new window is a very handy thing to do. that ways when you want to search for something that you are reading on a page, you just select and drop it in the search box. and you don't lose the page you are reading. i keep doing that so often that i don't know what i'd do if firefox turned that feature off.

-i sort of hate traversing folders. so i use the run command quite frequently.

-i've stuck to jet audio for something like 4-5 years now. has good library management and good keyboard shortcuts. i don't need much more. ditto for avg. though i'm thinking of trying the microsoft one.

-freecell is my favorite game offline. kenken and loop-the-loop are the online ones. i suck at hand-eye coordination. hence no hi-fi action games.

-i haven't been able to learn to touch-type the numbers yet.

surprise!!

2009-10-08T23:51:00.005+05:30

मेरे सारे बादल जाने क्यों
सूरज से जा मिले हैं
मैं कहता हूँ मुझसे बातें करो
वो कहते हैं कि लब सिले हैं

नारंगी शामों में जाने वो
क्या खिचडी पकाते रहते हैं
मैं कुछ बोलूँ तो
चुप रहने को कहते हैं

पर मुझे पता है
क्या साजिश हो रही है
कल बारिश के आने की
घड़ी हो रही है

वो सब मिल कर कल
मुझे बारिश से मिलवायेंगे
फ़िर हम सब मिल कर
भीग भीग गायेंगे

[photo by basu. taken somewhere near dharmasala]

gift of the magi

2009-10-06T14:25:00.002+05:30

अब अन्दर के अँधेरे की खैर नहीं
मेरे पास अपना एक दीया है
कल रोती आँखों से आंसू पोंछ
मेरे तारे ने रौशनी का टुकडा दिया है

blogging trivia

2009-10-05T21:11:00.003+05:30

=> 15-20 minutes is my time limit for each post. if a post takes longer than that, it's transferred to the vault. items in the vault are taken up much later, if at all.

=> i find it easier to write on pictures/photos.

=> there's a set of people (about 4) who get to read my posts before they appear on the blog.

=> this is my first blog and my fifth blog. [i started blogging here in 2004, then stopped. went on to two secret blogs and one public blog and finally returned here]

=> there's a marked difference between the earlier aquitaine and this one. someone who didn't know would think them to be entirely different people altogether.

=> sometimes i know what i have to write. but i can't find words to do justice to that idea. this leads to long hiatuses. almost all of them end up with stupid posts like this one.

=> i had toyed with the idea of a hindi blog once. but in those days, blogger didn't have transliteration and was a whole lot more buggy. that blog got stuck in some technical snag.

=> altogether, i have published more than a thousand posts.

=> there are many recurrent themes that run through my posts. people and places and things.

=> the 'aquitaine' of the title comes from a ludlum novel - the aquitaine progression - one of the worst he's ever written. but the 'aquitaine' there stood for chaos leading to a new order and i liked the idea.

=> in its earlier avatar, this blog didn't have my name featuring anywhere. and still, one year into blogging, a search for naween gave this blog as the first result. i don't know how.

=> some of the posts i write are intended for real people. yet the most obvious ones aren't.

=> the only reason i don't blog about people is because i have a complicated relationship with almost all the persons i'd have liked to blog about. that's a department where i haven't been blessed.

=> most of my posts are sort of lifted/inspired from various sources, mostly songs. i take care to record the inspiration too.

double entendre

2009-10-01T09:48:00.001+05:30

seen on a Levi's showroom window:

CELEBRATE PUJA UNBUTTONED

!!

freeze!!!

2009-09-29T21:29:00.003+05:30

चार लकीरों में बंद
तस्वीरों के लोग जाने
क्या सोचते रहते होंगे
एक पल में फँसी
उनकी ज़िन्दगी के दिन
जाने कैसे कटते होंगे

कभी बहुत खुश हो
मैंने सोचा था कहीं
रुक जाये समय अभी
पर जाने कैसा लगेगा
जब और कुछ महसूस
ना कर पाऊँगा कभी

एक मोती को पा
तस्वीरों के लोग
मगन बैठे रहते हैं
पर समय के सागर में
ऐसे कितने और मोती
बिखरे रहते हैं

मैंने सोचा है
अब तस्वीरों से
दूर रहा करूंगा
यादों के मरघट से
रुके-थामे पलों से
दूर चला करूंगा

क्योंकि दुःख वाले पल
याद रखने लायक
कभी होते नहीं हैं
और ख़ुशी का एक पल पा
बुद्धिमान इंसान कभी
सोते नहीं हैं

[photo by basu again. taken in dilli haat]

splash!

2009-09-29T00:15:00.001+05:30

there was only so much
i could talk to my white walls
the same old boring stuff
white lies, white noise

then came a day i decided
enough was enough
true, i couldn't bring them down
but i'll bring in some color for sure

so there i stood, jumping around
splashing them with color
until the white gasped and died
a soppy, colorful death

and now i go about life
ensconced in my colorful walls
talking to them of a zillion things
thoughts of painting them again

the invisible walls of life
needn't stay barren and boring
the colors are always there, waiting
for you to start playing

[photo by basu. taken in ahmedabad.]

flashback

2009-09-21T20:36:00.004+05:30

the place where i saw
your smile for the last time
the place where i let go
the hand i held so tight
the bend in the road

i don't know why
no matter where i go
no matter how fast i run
all my roads lead there
the bend in the road

then the sepia movie
plays all over again
and i wish once more
you hadn't gone away there
the bend in the road

here i stand now
being brought by fate
on my knees crying
hugging what's left of you here
the bend in the road

ज़िन्दगी के किसी रस्ते से
तुम इस मोड़ से गुजरो तो
ये कहेगा कि मैं यहाँ
बहुत देर रुका था
फ़िर ये सोच के चल दिया
कि कभी तुम इस मोड़ पे आओ
और मुझे यहाँ बैठा देख
रास्ते का रोड़ा ना पाओ

solar eclipse

2009-09-20T16:42:00.002+05:30

there was this turmoil in his head. he just couldn't think clearly. so many feelings and counter-currents. why did she leave him? what mistake did he make? where? when?

this had been his routine everyday. walking the last kilometer to the office. sitting like a potato sack all day made him restless and he thought he'd give his legs some early morning work by doing so.

why did she say all those things she said? didn't he deserve a second chance? how can this be an unilateral decision?

the rag-picker kid found it strange that the bhaiya didn't even look at him today. that kid had been a part of this daily routine. they'd exchange smiles everyday. sometimes he'd bring him a chocolate or something. no words were ever spoken. the kid frowned to himself and ducked for cover as it started raining.

shit!! damn this rain!! he had again forgotten his umbrella. too much on his mind today. his first instinct was to run to the building nearby. but then he just felt rebellious. to hell with the rain!!

why was bhaiya getting drenched? he'd never been the type to do so. especially while going to office. it had always been crisp clean clothes he'd change everyday.

he found himself crying. straight-faced crying. like there was a disconnect between the thoughts and the tears.

bhaiya was walking so slowly! like a zombie! maybe there was something wrong! should he go and ask him? the kid ran from shelter to shelter, walking with him.

the sudden gust of wind almost woke him up from his reverie. the wet clothes and the rain combined to produce a shiver that chilled him to the spine. he realised that there was much more to his life than this useless moping.

he had stopped all of a sudden. frowning in concentration. the kid could see the hint of a smile forming at the edges of his lips.

he thought of the project at the office he had been so passionately involved in. why, he'd thought of something very innovative just yesterday! he couldn't wait to implement it!

yes, he was smiling. even though it was a reluctant smile. and there was this steely resolve conquering his face.

he looked up and saw the kid across the road. all these days he'd never talked to him. he thought he'd start today.

bhaiya smiled at him at last!! he was coming toward him..

and before the horrified kid's eyes, he stepped right into the path of an oncoming bus.

the class divide

2009-09-19T23:21:00.002+05:30

the key for the success of a fraud is always in the details.
[consistency in spelling is another such detail.]

[btw, i didn't know the smiley for a kiss. had to do a web search :P]

who am i

2009-09-19T20:21:00.003+05:30

i just discovered that a search on yahoo india for who am i gives my blog as the top result. you can see it here. feedjit showed that there have been people arriving on my blog following this result.

which is ironic in the sense that the title of this blog is a question the author keeps asking himself. and anyone who comes here isn't going to get even a sliver of an answer. also, i understand that some people search that phrase to get to essays etc on that topic. which again, they won't be getting here.

even more ironic is the fact that this post will maybe strengthen the position of that result further.

damn dan brown!!!

2009-09-18T23:11:00.001+05:30

it doesn't always work. but worth a shot anyway.

wait a sec

2009-09-18T20:44:00.002+05:30

दिन की चकाचौंध से
आँखें थक गई हैं
थोडी से शाम हो कभी
तो हम सुस्ता लें थोड़ा
..अल्पविराम..

बातों के जंगल में
थोड़े फूल सहेज लें
इस शोर के सागर से
यादों के मोती चुन लें
..अल्पविराम..

अपने रिश्तों को
ठहर कर देख सकें
गले लग किसी अपने के
खुशी के आंसू बहा लें
..अल्पविराम..

जाने किस किस काम से
गैरों से मिलते हैं रोजाना
कभी ठिठक कर थोड़ा
ख़ुद से भी मिल लें
..अल्पविराम..

late goodbye

2009-09-17T23:44:00.009+05:30

he knew it was the last time he'd ever talk to her. it wasn't anything she'd said. but he simply couldn't continue it anymore.

i'm the hollow hand of memories.

there were too many of them. all the memories. some real, some imaginary. choking him every time he'd try talking to her.

i'm the tangy taste of tears.

every time he'd talked to her after she went away - every single time - he'd ended up crying. not to her face. but afterward.

i'm the vicious vacuum of absence.

he knew he wasn't a part of her life any more. and he hated hearing about her from others. reminded him of how far they really had grown apart.

i'm the dead drumming of distance.

they could never be friends. he knew she'd never tell him any of the problems she might be facing. he could never care for her the way he wanted to.

i'm the impending implosion of inevitability.

they weren't meant to be together. ever. he had been forced by events to realise this. and so this day he was going to end it.

i'm the cold clutch of fear.

but how would it feel like? to never talk to her? not listen to that voice? or that laugh? a number on the phone that couldn't be dialed.

i'm the wistful wave of lost love.

"keep smiling. and take good care of yourself."

i'm the raucous ring of the death knell.

--------------------------

[written in 'fight club' style :). and yes, late goodbye is a wonderful song.]

ragging

2009-09-17T00:01:00.003+05:30

काली चादर से ढक उसे
रात भर धुनते हैं तारे
तभी सूरज लाल आंखों से
सुबह दुखते पाँव पसारे
पिटाई की सोच ही वो
इतना घबरा जाता है
शाम होती नही कि उसका
रंग फ़िर धूमिल हो जाता है

abject surrender

2009-09-16T21:16:00.003+05:30

i've stopped on this road
filled up the inside with stones
i'm dropping anchor here
i can't go any further

the water's all around
and i'm gasping for breath
but i won't be trying for the bank
i'll stay here and wait for sunny skies

the colors i've thrown them away
content with my black and white
i'll be painting pictures so henceforth
them and some yellow

there are tears in foggy eyes
but i've stopped caring for them
i don't know why they are there
for all i know, it might be the rain

there's something i'm abandoning today
something i held very tight
clutched on it even when it was gone
an empty void of memories

i've given up on love

remembering darkness

2009-09-13T11:59:00.006+05:30

जुगनुओं की भीड़ में कहीं
गुम हो गया है मेरा अँधेरा
चकाचौंध से थकी आँखें
ढूंढें कोई निर्जन बसेरा

रौशनी का शोर है यहाँ
सहमी सी है परछाईं मेरी
अँधेरी तू आ जा कहीं से
छुपा ले बाहों में तेरी

मेरी बातें इस शोर में
कहीं गुम हो जाती हैं
ना कह सकूं बातें तो
तेरी याद बड़ी आती है

जुगनू तो बस यही चाहें
आँखें मैं खोल लूं
और मैं चाहूँ पलकें मूँद
कुछ तुझसे बोल लूं

मैं बैठा हूँ यहीं
कब वो चले जायेंगे
तब तुम चुपके से आना
फिर सुन्दर सपने आएंगे

बस एक मेरा वाला
जुगनू रह जाये पीछे
आंखें अँधेरी स्लेट पे
जुगनू की लकीरें खींचें

--------

जुगनू पर इतने भी बुरे नही होते। इसलिए संक्षेप में:

जुगनू प्यारा कभी कभी
तंग कर देता है
मैं आँखें मींचूं कि
उजाला कर देता है
अब कौन उसे समझाए
कभी अच्छे भी होते हैं साए

---------------

the image is of 'Fireflies on Water' - by Yayoi Kasuma (b. 1929), a 2002 installation that measures 115 by 144 by 144 inches and consists of mirrored walls, 150 lights and water. more details and pics here.

hmm...

2009-09-09T21:00:00.005+05:30

कभी मिलोगे रास्ते में कहीं
तो अनजान बन निकल जाओगे
और हम यहाँ आस लगाये बैठे हैं
कि जाने फ़िर तुम कब आओगे

-----------

हम तुम्हारी कुछ यादें बटोर रहे थे
कि कभी इत्मीनान से खुश होंगे
पर क्या पता था कि थैली में हमारे
बदकिस्मती के अनगिनत छेद होंगे

------------

let us see now!!

2009-09-08T22:54:00.002+05:30

मैं सो जाता हूँ बातें करते
और बदमाश तारे गायब हो जाते हैं
सुबह होते ही जाने कहाँ
अपनी अलग दुनिया को चले जाते हैं
ये शैतानी मुझे बिल्कुल नही भाती
कल से मैं इसका इंतजाम करूंगा
देखता हूँ फ़िर कहाँ जाते हैं सारे
सोते वक्त आसमान में ताला लगा दूँगा

i wish...

2009-09-07T00:24:00.001+05:30

i wish
all the frowns you frown
are temporary creases
ending in another crease
the dimple of a smile

i wish
all the words you say
make other people's memories
and for every word
there be a heart you touch

i wish
all the tears you cry
aren't from the salty sea
but bring you the sweet taste
of unbridled, unending happiness

i wish
all the dreams you dream
aren't just visions in the night
but come back with the day
shining brightly with sunshine

i wish
all the wishes you wish
on brilliant shooting stars
give you all the stars you wish for
and more stars to wish on

i wish
all the smiles you smile
go round and round
make the world smile
and come back to you

responsibility

2009-09-06T19:34:00.005+05:30

-> i know nothing beyond paint :P
-> in case you don't know where this is inspired from, you don't deserve to be told. but still, the 'architect' lives here.
-> i failed in art class in std 1 :P

discomfort

2009-09-06T14:01:00.002+05:30

घोडे बेच कर
मैं तो सोया
पर बेरहमी से
उसने मुझे जगाया
थोड़ा सा ढूँढा
तो मैंने पाया

आँखों में रौशनी
चुभ रही है
तारों की छत
टपक रही है

the thing is...

2009-09-05T00:10:00.003+05:30

there's this lump in my throat
all the words i want to say
stuck in an incoherent bunch

there's this urge i'm holding in
to jump up and hug you tight
hold on to you and not let you go

there's only so much i can look at you
i steal a furtive glance and look away
i know you're everything i've ever wanted

there's this wish you stayed still like that
your hair thrown back, animated eyes talking
and i could hide that moment somewhere safe

there's this thing i've got to tell you
i love you

a more detailed (and scientific) explanation of this phenomenon is here. :P

thorns in the side

2009-09-04T20:10:00.000+05:30

on-road peeves:
->the 'mobile' people. especially ones who slow down all of sudden, only to whip out a cellphone. in the middle of the road.
->the car drivers who drive REAL slow. and stay to the right side of the road.
->the honkers. have horn. will honk. people who can't fly shouldn't want others to.
->the daredevils. guys who will thread in and out of traffic. just because they have a cool bike. expecting others to brake and let them pass. and will stare if not allowed to.
->the 'learners' who'll begin their learning in the narrowest of lanes. thus becoming the weakest link in the chain.
->the auto-waalas. the name is enough.

online peeves:
->flash ads that expand to fill half of the page.
->pages where any click anywhere opens up a pop-up ad. [eg. ibnlive and ndtv]
->sites opening everything in either a pop-up window or a new page.
->pages which devote very little of the page real estate to actual matter. [like 3-columned blogs.]
->people who don't publish the full feed of their blogs.
->articles mentioning online resources and not giving that as a link.

ensemble

2009-09-03T15:43:00.001+05:30

kludge:
A kludge (or kluge) is a workaround, a quick-and-dirty solution, a clumsy or inelegant, yet effective, solution to a problem, typically using parts that are cobbled together.
[source: wikipedia.]

hindi translation:
कहीं का ईंट, कहीं का रोडा, भानुमती ने कुनबा जोड़ा

came across this word while reading an article on snow-leopard-vs-windows7. it was used for the native xp mode on windows7.

anyhoo, isn't this what we all do everyday? for all our problems?

i love kludging. :)

jlt

2009-09-02T14:19:00.001+05:30

joke of the day:
naween to shopkeeper: bhaiya, bees 'cadbury's shots' waala toffee dena.
shopkeeper to naween: arre! kya baat hai! ye toffee to kismet waale hi khaate hain!
:D :D

pj of the day:
when asked in the employment form, what gender did the gigolo write?
fee-male.

desperate timepass

2009-09-01T16:28:00.002+05:30

reliance keeps sending these promotional messages which promise to tell you your fortune, the future of your love life, the perfect job for you and so on and so forth... in search of some costly humor [they charge rs 3/msg], i replied to some of them.

apko shadi se pahle kitni baar pyar hoga?
dear naween, frankly you will have a lot of puppy love before you actually understand and fall in true love. as you mature and recall these 'not so serious' affairs, you will laugh at your past actions. these relationships will still be some of the most wonderful and memorable times of your life. all the people who were a part of your life in the past will add on to your experiences and make you truly understand how special love and your partner are.
[still didn't give me a number]

kab hogi aapki shadi?
dear naween, you may consider and probably get married in your late 20's. you would marry once you are sure that you are ready and mature enough to deal with the stress and strains that may come your way after marriage. you want yourself to be established personally and emotionally. enhancing your understanding and maturity is very important to you. also being independent and all by your own before commitment is also a very important aspect in your consideration.
[late 20's? gosh!! i'm so extraordinary! i know so many people who get married in their early 20's]

how strong is your love?
your love chemistry is excellent. these two powerful signs tend to butt heads with one another. if they worked together, they could do great things. unfortunately, their passion tends to take over and they usually end up arguing. if they could keep the passion under control, it may work but they tend to work better as friends.
[powerful signs? but i typed xxxxxx! i wonder what they made out of all those x's! the obvious possibility frightens me!]

what will your future career be?
hi naween! your name spells success! you are wonderful at planning, initiating and completing projects. an extremely goal-oriented person, you'd thrive as an executive or a public servant revolutionising the society! you would be good in any position that needs organisational and administrative qualities, given that you are so dependable and determined. in fact, civil services would be best suited to you. other fields where you would do well are mathematics and science.
[i'm thinking of putting all these qualities on my CV]

what should you look for in your perfect partner?
hi naween, you have a haughty and strong demeanour, which never ever lets people know how caring and generous you are from inside. you need to look for a partner who has some difference with you, as that will help in complimenting differences. your perfect partner would be the one who knows how to cross small hurdles and strengthen your love and compatibility. you love getting involved in intelligent talk so a person with sharp intellect will always ensure a good relation.
[me has a strong demeanour?? yeah!! somebody finally understood me!]

the impossible match

2009-09-01T14:04:00.001+05:30

समंदर बिछा कर हवाओं पर चलती है वो
लहरों सी टूटती-बिखरती-बनती है वो
उड़ते-उड़ते जब ख़त्म हो जाता मेरा आसमान
अपने पंखों से बादल गिरा देती है वो

खुद में सिमटा सा मैं देखता रहता हूँ
कैसे मेरा सारा जहाँ पलक झपकते सजा देती है वो
पानी की तस्वीरों की तरह छूने से डरता हूँ उसे
कि कहीं अपनी ही हवाओं में गुम ना हो जाये वो

क्यूँ रहती है आस पास कहीं जबकि जानती है वो
ना मैं उड़ पाऊँगा कभी, ना ज़मीन पे आयेगी वो

ahem ahem

2009-08-31T16:53:00.002+05:30

quote of the day: if you really want to speed things up, stop looking at the watch.

pj of the day: how did the couple manage to stay on the same page? because the girl was miss-understanding.

mixed feelings

2009-08-30T19:17:00.005+05:30

there's a river between
where we are and
where we want to be

लहरें शायद हमें
दो किनारों पे कहीं
पटक देना चाहती हैं

maybe they don't like
the way i hold your hand
the way we hold hands

लाख कोशिश कर हारी नदी
हताशा से अब भरी है
हमें अलग करने पर पडी है

and now all it can do
is make it hard for us
the bank keeps getting further

और हम यहाँ अटके हैं
दुश्मन समंदर में
मंजिल से बहुत दूर

but don't you worry dear
you are all the courage
i'll ever need
with you by my side
the black clouds around us
have a sliver of sunshine

हाथ ये मेरा तुम
थामे रहो बस यूँ ही
तुम्हारी कुछ लकीरों से
उलझी रहें मेरी लकीरें

[i know this is kinda incoherent and slipshod. but i was just trying to test the hypothesis that i think in english when i write in hindi and vice versa. i think it's true.
the pic is by Crazy]

it shouldn't end

2009-08-29T19:32:00.003+05:30

हम तो चले जा रहे थे
आंखों में लिए सपने कई
फ़िर जाने क्या हुआ
अचानक ठोकर लग गई
चलने में ही हम खुश थे
जाने कहाँ से मंजिल मिल गई

two-in-one

2009-08-28T00:26:00.008+05:30

i told them to stand in a line
all the colors of my life
and like boys who've been scolded
they did so with long sullen faces
each one tried to hide behind the other
vying to be the very last in the line
i counted them all and found some missing
colors i had lost somewhere on the way
but for every lost one i found many others
not like the ones i lost, but no less
i gave them a hard look, all the reds and blues
the bright yellows and the chirpy greens
and then i realised what i'd been missing
there were no absent colors, nothing lost ever
i had let them be themselves, setting them free
and they had played together and mixed well
and of all the emotions and fervour and glee
there had risen some entirely new colors
so now i had my brilliant purples and lazy browns
colors enough to make a thousand-colored rainbow

------

मैंने अपने सारे रंग सहेजे थे
आंसुओं और मुस्कानों को
अलग कोठरियों में बंद रखा था
दिल-दिमाग के बीच एक खाई खोद
ख़ुद को बड़ा समझदार बूझ रहा था

पर फ़िर बारिश हो गई

भीगे आंसू गीली मुस्कानों से जा मिले
दिल-दिमाग की खाई पानी से पट गई
सारी समझदारी धरी की धरी रह गई
सारे रंग मटियामेट हो
जाने क्या से क्या हो गए

बारिशों में जाने
क्या जादू होता है
मैं कुछ सोचूँ
और वो कुछ और ही
तस्वीर बना देती है
क्योंकि मेरे पास
बस थोड़े ही रंग हैं
और मेरे सपनों
के सारे रंग
बस बारिश ही
बना सकती है

अब लत लग गई है बारिशों की
उसकी बूंदों में घोल
रोज़ नए रंग बनाता हूँ
कोठरियां टूट गई हैं
आंसुओं को भी अब मैं
मुस्कानों का राग सुनाता हूँ

[both pics by Crazy. the second one is the reflection of colored boats in a lake.]