freeze!!!

चार लकीरों में बंद
तस्वीरों के लोग जाने
क्या सोचते रहते होंगे
एक पल में फँसी
उनकी ज़िन्दगी के दिन
जाने कैसे कटते होंगे

कभी बहुत खुश हो
मैंने सोचा था कहीं
रुक जाये समय अभी
पर जाने कैसा लगेगा
जब और कुछ महसूस
ना कर पाऊँगा कभी

एक मोती को पा
तस्वीरों के लोग
मगन बैठे रहते हैं
पर समय के सागर में
ऐसे कितने और मोती
बिखरे रहते हैं

मैंने सोचा है
अब तस्वीरों से
दूर रहा करूंगा
यादों के मरघट से
रुके-थामे पलों से
दूर चला करूंगा

क्योंकि दुःख वाले पल
याद रखने लायक
कभी होते नहीं हैं
और ख़ुशी का एक पल पा
बुद्धिमान इंसान कभी
सोते नहीं हैं

[photo by basu again. taken in dilli haat]

splash!

there was only so much
i could talk to my white walls
the same old boring stuff
white lies, white noise

then came a day i decided
enough was enough
true, i couldn't bring them down
but i'll bring in some color for sure

so there i stood, jumping around
splashing them with color
until the white gasped and died
a soppy, colorful death

and now i go about life
ensconced in my colorful walls
talking to them of a zillion things
thoughts of painting them again

the invisible walls of life
needn't stay barren and boring
the colors are always there, waiting
for you to start playing

[photo by basu. taken in ahmedabad.]

flashback

the place where i saw
your smile for the last time
the place where i let go
the hand i held so tight
the bend in the road

i don't know why
no matter where i go
no matter how fast i run
all my roads lead there
the bend in the road

then the sepia movie
plays all over again
and i wish once more
you hadn't gone away there
the bend in the road

here i stand now
being brought by fate
on my knees crying
hugging what's left of you here
the bend in the road

ज़िन्दगी के किसी रस्ते से
तुम इस मोड़ से गुजरो तो
ये कहेगा कि मैं यहाँ
बहुत देर रुका था
फ़िर ये सोच के चल दिया
कि कभी तुम इस मोड़ पे आओ
और मुझे यहाँ बैठा देख
रास्ते का रोड़ा ना पाओ

solar eclipse

there was this turmoil in his head. he just couldn't think clearly. so many feelings and counter-currents. why did she leave him? what mistake did he make? where? when?

this had been his routine everyday. walking the last kilometer to the office. sitting like a potato sack all day made him restless and he thought he'd give his legs some early morning work by doing so.

why did she say all those things she said? didn't he deserve a second chance? how can this be an unilateral decision?

the rag-picker kid found it strange that the bhaiya didn't even look at him today. that kid had been a part of this daily routine. they'd exchange smiles everyday. sometimes he'd bring him a chocolate or something. no words were ever spoken. the kid frowned to himself and ducked for cover as it started raining.

shit!! damn this rain!! he had again forgotten his umbrella. too much on his mind today. his first instinct was to run to the building nearby. but then he just felt rebellious. to hell with the rain!!

why was bhaiya getting drenched? he'd never been the type to do so. especially while going to office. it had always been crisp clean clothes he'd change everyday.

he found himself crying. straight-faced crying. like there was a disconnect between the thoughts and the tears.

bhaiya was walking so slowly! like a zombie! maybe there was something wrong! should he go and ask him? the kid ran from shelter to shelter, walking with him.

the sudden gust of wind almost woke him up from his reverie. the wet clothes and the rain combined to produce a shiver that chilled him to the spine. he realised that there was much more to his life than this useless moping.

he had stopped all of a sudden. frowning in concentration. the kid could see the hint of a smile forming at the edges of his lips.

he thought of the project at the office he had been so passionately involved in. why, he'd thought of something very innovative just yesterday! he couldn't wait to implement it!

yes, he was smiling. even though it was a reluctant smile. and there was this steely resolve conquering his face.

he looked up and saw the kid across the road. all these days he'd never talked to him. he thought he'd start today.

bhaiya smiled at him at last!! he was coming toward him..

and before the horrified kid's eyes, he stepped right into the path of an oncoming bus.

the class divide

the key for the success of a fraud is always in the details.
[consistency in spelling is another such detail.]

[btw, i didn't know the smiley for a kiss. had to do a web search :P]

who am i

i just discovered that a search on yahoo india for who am i gives my blog as the top result. you can see it here. feedjit showed that there have been people arriving on my blog following this result.

which is ironic in the sense that the title of this blog is a question the author keeps asking himself. and anyone who comes here isn't going to get even a sliver of an answer. also, i understand that some people search that phrase to get to essays etc on that topic. which again, they won't be getting here.

even more ironic is the fact that this post will maybe strengthen the position of that result further.

damn dan brown!!!

it doesn't always work. but worth a shot anyway.

wait a sec

दिन की चकाचौंध से
आँखें थक गई हैं
थोडी से शाम हो कभी
तो हम सुस्ता लें थोड़ा
..अल्पविराम..

बातों के जंगल में
थोड़े फूल सहेज लें
इस शोर के सागर से
यादों के मोती चुन लें
..अल्पविराम..

अपने रिश्तों को
ठहर कर देख सकें
गले लग किसी अपने के
खुशी के आंसू बहा लें
..अल्पविराम..

जाने किस किस काम से
गैरों से मिलते हैं रोजाना
कभी ठिठक कर थोड़ा
ख़ुद से भी मिल लें
..अल्पविराम..

late goodbye

he knew it was the last time he'd ever talk to her. it wasn't anything she'd said. but he simply couldn't continue it anymore.

i'm the hollow hand of memories.

there were too many of them. all the memories. some real, some imaginary. choking him every time he'd try talking to her.

i'm the tangy taste of tears.

every time he'd talked to her after she went away - every single time - he'd ended up crying. not to her face. but afterward.

i'm the vicious vacuum of absence.

he knew he wasn't a part of her life any more. and he hated hearing about her from others. reminded him of how far they really had grown apart.

i'm the dead drumming of distance.

they could never be friends. he knew she'd never tell him any of the problems she might be facing. he could never care for her the way he wanted to.

i'm the impending implosion of inevitability.

they weren't meant to be together. ever. he had been forced by events to realise this. and so this day he was going to end it.

i'm the cold clutch of fear.

but how would it feel like? to never talk to her? not listen to that voice? or that laugh? a number on the phone that couldn't be dialed.

i'm the wistful wave of lost love.

"keep smiling. and take good care of yourself."

i'm the raucous ring of the death knell.

--------------------------

[written in 'fight club' style :). and yes, late goodbye is a wonderful song.]

ragging

काली चादर से ढक उसे
रात भर धुनते हैं तारे
तभी सूरज लाल आंखों से
सुबह दुखते पाँव पसारे
पिटाई की सोच ही वो
इतना घबरा जाता है
शाम होती नही कि उसका
रंग फ़िर धूमिल हो जाता है

abject surrender

i've stopped on this road
filled up the inside with stones
i'm dropping anchor here
i can't go any further

the water's all around
and i'm gasping for breath
but i won't be trying for the bank
i'll stay here and wait for sunny skies

the colors i've thrown them away
content with my black and white
i'll be painting pictures so henceforth
them and some yellow

there are tears in foggy eyes
but i've stopped caring for them
i don't know why they are there
for all i know, it might be the rain

there's something i'm abandoning today
something i held very tight
clutched on it even when it was gone
an empty void of memories

i've given up on love

remembering darkness

जुगनुओं की भीड़ में कहीं
गुम हो गया है मेरा अँधेरा
चकाचौंध से थकी आँखें
ढूंढें कोई निर्जन बसेरा

रौशनी का शोर है यहाँ
सहमी सी है परछाईं मेरी
अँधेरी तू आ जा कहीं से
छुपा ले बाहों में तेरी

मेरी बातें इस शोर में
कहीं गुम हो जाती हैं
ना कह सकूं बातें तो
तेरी याद बड़ी आती है

जुगनू तो बस यही चाहें
आँखें मैं खोल लूं
और मैं चाहूँ पलकें मूँद
कुछ तुझसे बोल लूं

मैं बैठा हूँ यहीं
कब वो चले जायेंगे
तब तुम चुपके से आना
फिर सुन्दर सपने आएंगे

बस एक मेरा वाला
जुगनू रह जाये पीछे
आंखें अँधेरी स्लेट पे
जुगनू की लकीरें खींचें

--------

जुगनू पर इतने भी बुरे नही होते। इसलिए संक्षेप में:

जुगनू प्यारा कभी कभी
तंग कर देता है
मैं आँखें मींचूं कि
उजाला कर देता है
अब कौन उसे समझाए
कभी अच्छे भी होते हैं साए

---------------

the image is of 'Fireflies on Water' - by Yayoi Kasuma (b. 1929), a 2002 installation that measures 115 by 144 by 144 inches and consists of mirrored walls, 150 lights and water. more details and pics here.

hmm...

कभी मिलोगे रास्ते में कहीं
तो अनजान बन निकल जाओगे
और हम यहाँ आस लगाये बैठे हैं
कि जाने फ़िर तुम कब आओगे

-----------

हम तुम्हारी कुछ यादें बटोर रहे थे
कि कभी इत्मीनान से खुश होंगे
पर क्या पता था कि थैली में हमारे
बदकिस्मती के अनगिनत छेद होंगे

------------

let us see now!!

मैं सो जाता हूँ बातें करते
और बदमाश तारे गायब हो जाते हैं
सुबह होते ही जाने कहाँ
अपनी अलग दुनिया को चले जाते हैं
ये शैतानी मुझे बिल्कुल नही भाती
कल से मैं इसका इंतजाम करूंगा
देखता हूँ फ़िर कहाँ जाते हैं सारे
सोते वक्त आसमान में ताला लगा दूँगा

i wish...

i wish
all the frowns you frown
are temporary creases
ending in another crease
the dimple of a smile

i wish
all the words you say
make other people's memories
and for every word
there be a heart you touch

i wish
all the tears you cry
aren't from the salty sea
but bring you the sweet taste
of unbridled, unending happiness

i wish
all the dreams you dream
aren't just visions in the night
but come back with the day
shining brightly with sunshine

i wish
all the wishes you wish
on brilliant shooting stars
give you all the stars you wish for
and more stars to wish on

i wish
all the smiles you smile
go round and round
make the world smile
and come back to you

responsibility

-> i know nothing beyond paint :P
-> in case you don't know where this is inspired from, you don't deserve to be told. but still, the 'architect' lives here.
-> i failed in art class in std 1 :P

discomfort

घोडे बेच कर
मैं तो सोया
पर बेरहमी से
उसने मुझे जगाया
थोड़ा सा ढूँढा
तो मैंने पाया

आँखों में रौशनी
चुभ रही है
तारों की छत
टपक रही है

the thing is...

there's this lump in my throat
all the words i want to say
stuck in an incoherent bunch

there's this urge i'm holding in
to jump up and hug you tight
hold on to you and not let you go

there's only so much i can look at you
i steal a furtive glance and look away
i know you're everything i've ever wanted

there's this wish you stayed still like that
your hair thrown back, animated eyes talking
and i could hide that moment somewhere safe

there's this thing i've got to tell you
i love you

a more detailed (and scientific) explanation of this phenomenon is here. :P

thorns in the side

on-road peeves:
->the 'mobile' people. especially ones who slow down all of sudden, only to whip out a cellphone. in the middle of the road. 
->the car drivers who drive REAL slow. and stay to the right side of the road.
->the honkers. have horn. will honk. people who can't fly shouldn't want others to.
->the daredevils. guys who will thread in and out of traffic. just because they have a cool bike. expecting others to brake and let them pass. and will stare if not allowed to.
->the 'learners' who'll begin their learning in the narrowest of lanes. thus becoming the weakest link in the chain.
->the auto-waalas. the name is enough.


online peeves:
->flash ads that expand to fill half of the page.
->pages where any click anywhere opens up a pop-up ad. [eg. ibnlive and ndtv]
->sites opening everything in either a pop-up window or a new page.
->pages which devote very little of the page real estate to actual matter. [like 3-columned blogs.]
->people who don't publish the full feed of their blogs.
->articles mentioning online resources and not giving that as a link.

ensemble

kludge:
A kludge (or kluge) is a workaround, a quick-and-dirty solution, a clumsy or inelegant, yet effective, solution to a problem, typically using parts that are cobbled together.
[source: wikipedia.]

hindi translation:
कहीं का ईंट, कहीं का रोडा, भानुमती ने कुनबा जोड़ा

came across this word while reading an article on snow-leopard-vs-windows7. it was used for the native xp mode on windows7.

anyhoo, isn't this what we all do everyday? for all our problems?

i love kludging. :)

jlt

joke of the day:
naween to shopkeeper: bhaiya, bees 'cadbury's shots' waala toffee dena.
shopkeeper to naween: arre! kya baat hai! ye toffee to kismet waale hi khaate hain!
:D :D

pj of the day:
when asked in the employment form, what gender did the gigolo write?
fee-male.

desperate timepass

reliance keeps sending these promotional messages which promise to tell you your fortune, the future of your love life, the perfect job for you and so on and so forth... in search of some costly humor [they charge rs 3/msg], i replied to some of them.

apko shadi se pahle kitni baar pyar hoga?
dear naween, frankly you will have a lot of puppy love before you actually understand and fall in true love. as you mature and recall these 'not so serious' affairs, you will laugh at your past actions. these relationships will still be some of the most wonderful and memorable times of your life. all the people who were a part of your life in the past will add on to your experiences and make you truly understand how special love and your partner are.
[still didn't give me a number]

kab hogi aapki shadi?
dear naween, you may consider and probably get married in your late 20's. you would marry once you are sure that you are ready and mature enough to deal with the stress and strains that may come your way after marriage. you want yourself to be established personally and emotionally. enhancing your understanding and maturity is very important to you. also being independent and all by your own before commitment is also a very important aspect in your consideration.
[late 20's? gosh!! i'm so extraordinary! i know so many people who get married in their early 20's]

how strong is your love?
your love chemistry is excellent. these two powerful signs tend to butt heads with one another. if they worked together, they could do great things. unfortunately, their passion tends to take over and they usually end up arguing. if they could keep the passion under control, it may work but they tend to work better as friends.
[powerful signs? but i typed xxxxxx! i wonder what they made out of all those x's! the obvious possibility frightens me!]

what will your future career be?
hi naween! your name spells success! you are wonderful at planning, initiating and completing projects. an extremely goal-oriented person, you'd thrive as an executive or a public servant revolutionising the society! you would be good in any position that needs organisational and administrative qualities, given that you are so dependable and determined. in fact, civil services would be best suited to you. other fields where you would do well are mathematics and science.
[i'm thinking of putting all these qualities on my CV]

what should you look for in your perfect partner?
hi naween, you have a haughty and strong demeanour, which never ever lets people know how caring and generous you are from inside. you need to look for a partner who has some difference with you, as that will help in complimenting differences. your perfect partner would be the one who knows how to cross small hurdles and strengthen your love and compatibility. you love getting involved in intelligent talk so a person with sharp intellect will always ensure a good relation.
[me has a strong demeanour?? yeah!! somebody finally understood me!]

the impossible match

समंदर बिछा कर हवाओं पर चलती है वो
लहरों सी टूटती-बिखरती-बनती है वो
उड़ते-उड़ते जब ख़त्म हो जाता मेरा आसमान
अपने पंखों से बादल गिरा देती है वो

खुद में सिमटा सा मैं देखता रहता हूँ
कैसे मेरा सारा जहाँ पलक झपकते सजा देती है वो
पानी की तस्वीरों की तरह छूने से डरता हूँ उसे
कि कहीं अपनी ही हवाओं में गुम ना हो जाये वो

क्यूँ रहती है आस पास कहीं जबकि जानती है वो
ना मैं उड़ पाऊँगा कभी, ना ज़मीन पे आयेगी वो