December 18, 2007

hee haw!!

exams. 7 in 6 days. khair.

night out. canteen. soup. empty sachet. instructions in hindi.

dheemi aanch par rakh kar paanch minute tak hilaate rahiye !!!


December 17, 2007


brrrr.. it's getting cold here... i think i'll have to start wearing sweaters... and give up my unsaid oath... of not wearing any woolen clothes while i'm in college .. when i go home, it's another story altogether... nothing doing when it comes to mom and her diktats...

which reminds me... had a fight with her the other day on this topic [:P]...

i think i can still survive a day or two [:D]!!

ooh! aah! ouch!

life and everything else. pocket size. stashed away somewhere safe. roads leading everywhere. but the place. all so vast. and so tiny. span of the eye. blink-and-miss landscapes. empty inside and outside. barriers breaking down? people and crowds. walking up and down. voices and shouts. heavy air, full of thoughts. and ideas. and dreams. it's a smog. i can feel. i can see. i can hear. but i can't say. i can't write. every thing is now any thing. and life goes by. just like it always does. passage of time. the clocks run the show.

December 15, 2007

desperate class participation

love me. like you've never loved anyone else.
love me. like this is going to be forever.
love me. like i'm the only one you have.
love me. like it's been forever.

love me. like the winds kissing me.
love me. like the rains embracing me.
love me. like the seasons that went away.
love me. like the butterfly that flew away.

love me. like lovers do.


December 13, 2007


1. crossword clue - moped. and i'm thinking of hero puch [:(]!!

2. watching mtv. some ad has the word 'satiSfaction' with the middle S in a different font. i read it as sati's faction and am wondering who sati is and why she's formed a faction [:((]

3. end of class at 1:30. i walk out of class. reach my room. merrily surfing. someone comes in with my notebooks. 'where did you find these?' 'you left them in class and walked out!' [:(((]

December 12, 2007

seaside story

i watched her feet

as they splashed about in the water
and left prints in the wet sand
as she ran around

she jumped about in glee
an innocent smile lighting up her face
and i was rooted to the spot
i could have died then, and felt nothing

and then she sat down
a child making sand castles
with every careful pat of her hands
i could feel my dreams taking shape

she did a dance of joy
when the castle was complete
and i felt the waves
following the beat of her feet

i was woken out of this reverie
with a splash of water in my face
and before i could open my eyes
she gave me a kiss and ran away

i gave her a chase into the sunset
she, with her hair flying behind her
with a few strands sticking to her face
and glistening red with her

i finally caught up with her
held her in an embrace
and smelt the sand and the sea
as i buried my face in her hair

the sands slipped out of my hand
but she held the other
and that was all that mattered
her hand in mine

i held her close
and the din of the waves died out
the shifting sands under my feet
turned rock-solid

the sea, the sun, the sand
the wind, the water and the light
nothing, there was nothing
she was my everything

that evening, as i lay there
with my head in her lap
gazing out into the horizon
as the sea ate up the sun
i could see people watching the sun set
while i watched my star shining

and i realized
i loved her, and loved her
with every shred of my existence

December 10, 2007

you've got mail

i remember i said-
i'll be keeping all the letters
that i wrote to you
each one a line or two
all in my mind here
every tear and every smile
i sent to you...

but the days go by
and i forget words
the smiles and tears
are replaced gradually
with more and more tears

and i know
every letter i wrote
lies hidden somewhere
neglected,gathering dust
you can't touch them anymore
without hating me...

windows to my soul
that you've now closed
coz i sent
a little of me
with every letter...

and yet i wonder
why you haven't
burnt them yet..

the first few lines are from home-westlife.

December 9, 2007

paired pottery/potty/poetry

tatty tale.
proud prince.
dreadful demon.
fiery fight.
bloody blood.
vindictive victory?
kosher killing?
dead demon.
merciful murderer
penitent persecutor
poor prince

December 6, 2007

size doesn't matter [:P]!!

छोटी छोटी खुशियों के तारे
छोटी छोटी आंखों के प्यारे
छोटी छोटी मुस्कराहटें कहीं
छोटे छोटे हाथों की ज़मीन
छोटा छोटा अपना वो मकाँ
छोटे छोटे सपनों का आसमान

December 3, 2007


i am superman
flying across oceans
spanning mountains
in a single leap
waiting for
a stab of kryptonite

i'm tired to the bone
caring for others
saving strangers
hiding from everyone
keeping everything
all within myself
asking for
a stab of kryptonite

how i wish i could
ask someone
to cry for me
and care for me
make me feel pampered
instead i stand here
praying for
a stab of kryptonite

when i shiver and fear
when i let go a tear
and when my hands shake
i'm all alone
longing for
a stab of kryptonite

there's a child in here
i kill everyday
no one needs him
and he just cowers
in a hidden corner
but he knows
he'll be free one day
all he needs is
a stab of kryptonite

December 2, 2007

i think of you...

when i feel the rain

all around me
the downpour engulfing me
streams flowing from my eyes
your arms around me...
i think of you

when i see those leaves
flying about with abandon
and i remember
how the feeling of being with you
made me float on air...
i think of you

when i spread out my arms
to face the winds
and i'm pushed back
and i long for a helping hand
your hand in mine...
i think of you

when all of a sudden
i long to see your smile
that dimpled, twinkle-in-the-eye smile
and i realise i can't do that
not until i go away...
i think of you

when i close my eyes
and all i can see is you
however hard i try
and you just stand there
out of my reach...
i think of you

every time i think of me
i think of you
and i have all this fear
all i can do is give up a tear

December 1, 2007


random post. from class. there's a guy making a presentation. on prediction and some mumbo-jumbo. am least interested in that. he mentioned neural networks and svm's. but he isn't talking about that. so nothing doing with him.

but he reminds me of my graduation thesis. where all i did was ctrl-c and ctrl-v. and got royally fucked in the grand viva. but that (the fucking part) was because a prof was royally pissed off with me. which in turn was because i had royally fucked him in a class of his. so he instigated the other profs and the external examiner.

all this comp stuff interests me vaguely. i want to learn it but always end up being too lazy. i started reading neural nets once. i started learning python, java and c++ at various points of time... i liked the way algorithms worked. everything comp reminds me of rahul - and how he would come to my room crying eureka [:P]!!

the guy is saying.. do you understand or should i come again !! [:P]

i think i don't have the perseverance and the concentration levels required to pursue anything serious. or to put it in another way - anything that doesn't seriously interest me. i can spend hours making an useless swan just because i wanted to see the end result. but i can't spend a decent hour on the FM test - even though it's far far more important.

which brings us to the sad conclusion - either i should get my interests sorted out real fast or i'm going to be in deep shit.

huh!! this random stuff is getting psycho.

so i think me should stop. and anyways, stupid battery running out. should have bought a 9-cell.


November 28, 2007

hee haw!!!

the subject - business research methods.

test duration - 1 hour 30 minutes

i stayed for - 20 mins


happy ending

the prince and his love
walked the empty street
holding hands, glowing
listening to the winds
and beating hearts.

i was sitting alone
and i saw them coming
tears in their eyes
and i thought
there's one more tragedy
a love unfulfilled
but they were smiling
and walking on air.

i asked and they said
we are crying away
all our hate and sadness
we've met at last
and we are never gonna cry
the tears you see
are those of joy.

they passed me by
and i was happy
even as i sat down
to cry in the empty street
happy to see all that love.

and then i realized
i could listen to the winds
and my heart beating
and the stars speaking.

the happiness that did all that
was right there
behind all the tears
and now i could cry
tears of joy
for my princess.

November 24, 2007


i found this link a few days ago. i decided i'd try this out. but folding 500 triangles isn't an easy job!! three days ago, i started making my swan. the triangles took most of the time. assembly took only about an hour. so here are the pics [:)]!!

ain't it beautiful ?? [:)]

folding the triangles got boring after a point and this made me watch movies while doing the tedious work. i saw the notebook, charlie and the chocolate factory, american history x and cashback.

now going to sleep. have had a splitting headache right from the moment i woke up. time for a crocin.

November 22, 2007


nothing. and yet everything.
empty. and so full.

the pain of loneliness,
or the bliss of peace?

one moment frozen in time,
as the heart leaps in joy,
or an endless eternity,
zilch on either side?

solace in oneself
and the absence of someone.

everything i want. and hate.
all i run from. and embrace.

but words aren't enough evidence
when i talk about my silence.


clad in an oppressive darkness
i walk the streets thru the night
it's cold and i'm freezing over
shivering in spite of myself
every step is an effort
but i strive and struggle and carry on
there is someting i want to see

frozen in time and space
it's a moment long lost
happy and bright and warm
but i can only look at it
from across a wall of cold ice

it's gone in a flash every time
a fleeting glimpse of a firefly
the world seems darker and colder
and yet, i do it again..and again..

i walk the streets again
a labyrinth of memories
there's nowhere else i can go
this is the only mind i have...

inspired by the movie cashback.

November 18, 2007

identity crisis

i see 'roll number:' and i write 02MA2005.

when will i become B07032 ?

old habits die hard. especially the ones that lasted for five long years.

November 16, 2007

statement of purpose

there was this company which made us fill a loooooooong form! there was a question which said - every leader has a statement of purpose. what is your statement of purpose? to which i wrote :

Agent Smith says: It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us. It is purpose that defines, purpose that binds us.

And yet, my statement of purpose is to have no purpose. This might be termed desultory but I prefer to call it fluidity. How can I chart out a path or even envision one when the landscape I'm traversing keeps changing by the day? I don't want to let my dreams be bound and shaped by a purpose.

Does that mean I'll be blown away by every storm I chance to cross? Or that I'll try to evade every such turmoil? No, because water may seem fluid and shapeless and weak but try hitting the surface of a pool with an open palm and it hurts. Water charts its own path across mountains and valleys, conquering everything just because its very amorphousness gives it the power to permeate and win over all.

But of one thing I'm sure. My leadership style is going to be inclusive – to the maximum possible extent. Because I believe in these lines:

When you say 'I lead'
Don't let the 'I' lead you
Leadership isn't about
Walking ahead of others
Walk together and see yourself
Leading 'I' and everyone else.
(Naween - Oct, 2007)

'Purposeless with a clear leadership style' isn't the best statement of purpose that could be. But I'm not dreamless. And that, I believe, is all I need.

the masterstroke, of course, was 'naween - oct, 2007'!! hee haw!!

needless to say, i wasn't even shortlisted [:D]!!

btw, there was another question below this: what are your short term and long term goals?

short term: to earn lots of money

long term: refer to the answer above (by which i meant the SOP)

:D :D :D

let's discuss things...

if there's one thing of the summer placements i want to write about, it is the spectre of group discussions... in two of the GDs i didn't utter a single word!! in one case, i just didn't feel like talking, and the other was just plain fucking insane!!

=> pray tell me, why should there be points for giving a bloody structure to the GD? and what structure people give!! let us first dissect the meaning of all the words and then discuss the advantages and disadvantages!! what the bloody fuck!! do we really need to define words like marketing? what kind of an imbecile do you think me to be? and the funniest part is that after someone has given the said structure, someone else will go ahead to give the same structure again!!

=>everyone in the group says before the GD - let's try not to make it a fish market!! and still everyone will shout and bawl and cry and whine!! and it will end up becoming a fish market!! you get to hear that word often in conjunction with GDs - 'fish market'!! the panel will say - we don't want a fish market!! and they'll go ahead and choose the loudest fish of them all!!

=>and the most irritating thing of all (i don't blame the people, it's the MCN prof that should take the blame for this) - people always try to bring in names of authors and weird words, even if it has no fucking relation whatsoever with the matter being discussed!! as we read in Kotler...

=>i can't use terms like my worthy friend, my esteemed colleague.. or sentences like i agree with you there (actually used to interrupt someone) or i beg to differ ...

i shout my heart out when watching a cricket match... but i can't out-shout someone who's hell bent on saying a point that he's already shouted out twice...

=>i don't think i'm obliged to be polite to girls even when all she's uttering is crap...

why the fuck am i writing all this?

if you want to call this the rant of a loser, go ahead!! i couldn't care less!!

November 15, 2007


सृष्टि से पहले सत् नहीं था, असत भी नहीं था
आकाश भी नहीं था, अंतरिक्ष भी नहीं
छुपा था क्या, कहाँ, किसने ढका था
उस पल तो अगम अतल जल भी नहीं था ...

-भारत एक खोज का शीर्षक गीत

don't know why i remembered this today !!

November 10, 2007

twinkle twinkle little star...

i tried to draw my dreams
across the starry sky
tracing them out in light
against the darkness

but the stars kept shifting
and running and flowing
as if something very cruel
didn't want me to dream

and then, i realized
that something was my tears
i was seeing the stars
from behind a watery veil

there was no way i could
draw with those stars
they were all my dreams
all of them now dead

November 9, 2007


i had a haircut [:D]!

November 8, 2007


naween getting bored in class. he wants to do something. has some paper at hand. fingers fly in a flurry of activity. and whoa!! we have created something...

looks good. but what is it? has to be named now...

i hereby proclaim this to be my fiefdom!! [a la truman brubank in the mirror scene]

i initially tried to make a revolver or a sword. but i had forgotten how. and the flag seemed to be a better idea!!

all that remains now is to say the final words....


November 7, 2007


you've driven thru the night

weary and terror-torn
the escape seemed impossible
and the thorns too painful
there's the pre-dawn light
but all you feel is darkness
drooping eyelids, sagging shoulders
you had expected happiness
but indifference is all that's there
there's a dash of pride though
you didn't resign yourself to fate
you chose to act
and the journey is now over

suddenly, the pain returns
the heart is held in a vice
and the thorns bleed you again
startled, you open your eyes
it's all the same again
you've come full circle

and then it dawns upon you
you can't run away from yourself

written in a MTP class..

October 31, 2007

वाह वाह [:P]

उनको देख के वो अंदाज़ से फरमाये
नज़रें संभालिये, गज़ब हो जाये
आपके हुस्न से चाँद को पसीना जाये
आप हमें देखें तो दिल काफिर ना हो जाये

वो बोले :
निगाहें मिला सकें, ऐसे करम कहाँ
रस्मों के होते हैं सौ पर्दे यहाँ
आपके इश्क का दिल में बसाया था मकाँ
नज़रें चार हों तो ये आबाद हो जाये

October 30, 2007

the long and short of it...

the summer internship process is fast approaching.
i haven't had a haircut yet.

should i try the 'dare to pare??' attitude ?

or should i go the 'short is safe' way?

i don't love my hair that much - it will anyways be gone very soon. but the point is - i don't want to get a haircut just because of the interviews!!

i think i will weather slot one. if i don't get through, i'll make drastic changes to my approach to the concept of haircuts.

for the time being, it is - wait and watch.

walking tall

i was lost in a forest

the trees towered over me
and i felt so small and worthless...

but something felt wrong
this wasn't how it should be
i wasn't what i'm meant to be...

and then i realized
i had been crawling all along
happy in my worthlessness...

i stood up straight
and walked across the grassland
i was myself again...

October 28, 2007

mac os X leopard

the new apple os is out. i've never used an imac. don't know why i saw the guided tour. there are some 'new' features they talked about.

stacks: - this is a shortcut to a folder you create on your desktop. when you click on it, the contents fan out or appear as a grid, depending on the number of files in that folder.

cover flow:- this shows you a preview of the files as you browse through them. something like windows photo gallery with better visuals.

finder:- the search. not much to talk about here. except saving custom searches.

quick look:- lets you preview files (presentations, pdf files, movies etc) without actually opening them. works in conjunction with cover flow. just a fancy tool.

time machine:- backs up your computer every hour to an external hard disk. a good thing - except the fact that you'll have to buy an extra disk and i don't know how resource-intensive the communication with the hard disk is. btw, the visual effects for the time machine interface is fundoo.

spaces:- multiple desktops. navigation between them is easy.

mail:- has good templates. a quick note function. a data aggregator that identifies address fields to add them to the address book.

ichat:- good special effects for the background of the video chat. easy sharing of files. remote desktop thru the chat. they call it screen sharing.

except for the ichat thing, i didn't find anything expectional. but then, i haven't used any video chat software yet. as expected from a mac os, the visual effects are really good. the specs say a minimum of 512 MB RAM is needed. i don't know how they'll manage so much with so little. to do it at the speed the person in the tour was doing, i think you'd need at least 2 gb.

and no, the thought of switching from vista didn't cross my mind even once [:D]!!

October 27, 2007

i love xkcd !!

October 25, 2007

काँटों में उलझी मैं और मेरी परछाईं

दिन दिन साथ चलते चलते
कभी रोते, कभी साथ हँसते
मन कि कालिख तन पर पोतते
मैं उसकी परछाईं बन गया

काला अंतहीन सा अस्तित्त्व
उसकी रौशनी से बहुत दूर
घिसटता , राहों में पिसता
सिमटा, सूना सा मैं चलता

उजाले और अन्धकार का मेल कहॉ
अच्छे और बुरे का मेल कहॉ
परछाईं का तन से मेल कहॉ
मेरा उसका अब मेल कहॉ

कहॉ देखे थे मैंने सपने
चलूँगा हाथ थामे उसका कभी
अब यादें रौंदती हैं
पैरों तले हर वो मेरी ख़ुशी

काँटों में उलझकर, फँस कर
बिंध चुका है अब तो तन
जानता हूँ कांटे ही हैं बस
छुड़ा तो नही सकता उस से अपना मन

October 23, 2007


words are just letters
thrown together in patterns
a meaning thrust upon them
that never comes out

thoughts and ideas
and dreams and feelings
go beyond all dreams
a world unto themselves

how can i tell you
how much you mean to me
when all my love
is in all my dreams

if only you could see
the world i've dreamt
maybe you'd surprise me
and love me back

but then, it never will be
you have your dreams
and much that i may try
they'll never be mine

October 21, 2007

having your bacn and (not) eating it

Bacn, according to wikipedia, is
the term given to electronic messages which have been subscribed to and are therefore not unsolicited but are often unread by the recipient for a long period of time, if at all. Bacn has been described as email you want but not right now.

see gmail's method of dealing with it here .

i do it all the time [:D]!! ** swells with pride **

my bacn consists of, blog comment and orkut notifications.

October 20, 2007


->we had a mock interview for our communications class and i was the chairman of the interview panel. messed it up in the beginning - forgot my designation [:P]!! but made it up afterwards. our effort was categorised as a 'marked difference' from the earlier efforts [:D]!! some people told me after the interview that it was great and i wondered - the process this time wasn't radically different from the earlier one. yet, just because the prof said that it was good, people also thought it good.

->i hate the process of application to companies. there are all those vague questions - like the most difficult challenge, moral conflict, statement of purpose and what not. doesn't it all boil down to an exercise in creative writing? what exactly does the company aim to test through this? and when the interviews come, there will be more. like the famous 'tell me something about yourself' question.

->my eating habits have become really weird these days. i'm eating all junk. missing meals. i don't remember the last time i ate three full meals in a day. i'm losing weight.

->it's been ages since i last watched a movie.

->i started a new blog. a private one. but i intend to post there only when things get out of hand.

->listened to songs of aaja nachle - ishq hua and o re piya are good. i liked show me your jalwa too though most ppl won't like it.

->i think i'm beginning to lose one more friend.

->there are people who come up to me and tell me - do you do nothing other than blogging? and i wonder - how do they know about my blog? this spread of information is really startling. i don't remember telling more than five or six people here about my blog. i don't like this surprise being sprung upon me. coz people generally do it with an expression that says - oh! i have all the inside scoop on you. i know how psycho you are!

-> which reminds me - i got a date for the feedback on the psychoanalysis session we did in the preparatory program some 3 months back. i'm now going to be officially branded a psycho coz i wrote really pathetic sounding stuff for that exercise - two poems, one was all bloody and one was all teary.

->i think i'm going to score really poor this term. i just have this feeling.

->i've taken a strong liking to rum balls.

->i've become more careless - dirty - messy - lazy - unorganized - stupid - inattentive than any naween i've never known.


October 19, 2007


Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine....

i lovvvve this song by Green Day.. have been listening to it nonstop today!!

October 18, 2007

wakey wakey

it's 4:30 p.m.
naween wakes up.
he went to sleep at 3:30 p.m.
shouldn't have happened.
one hour isn't enough.
slept only 5 last night.
what's wrong?
bad dream? no.
mosquitos, ants? no.
noise? no.
huh!! why?
still half an hour to 5.
which is snacks time.
that's the reason.
on diet since morning.
2 rum balls + 1 orange.
+ 1 coffee.
stomach crying out.
in agony.
fuck you ______.
gimme food.
naween realises.
an empty stomach.
is the worst thing.
to sleep with.
going to satisfy.
a primal urge.

i'm thinking of discontinuing this blog. and even as i say this, i know i won't be able to do this. it has been with me for three years now (though all the posts aren't there) and more often than not, i've found myself turning to aquitaine to pour my heart out.

but of late, i've found it difficult to write things here. it's not some writer's block i've hit. it's just that there are things i can't write here - for that matter i can't write them at all. and it's a strange feeling when everytime i start writing i end up writing something totally different from what i had originally intended to.

i've toyed with the idea of a secret blog in the past. that one lasted about 4 months. i don't want to start another.

i think i should stop writing altogether. it's becoming kinda addictive.

October 15, 2007

life and death

i wake up bleary-eyed
walk around in a daze
yawning on the border
life and death

it's morning and i must die
zombie for the day
i can't make myself dream
with my eyes open

reality ties me down
and i feel suffocated
dracula in his tomb
hungry for more blood

i long for my dreams
i am my dreams
the sun sucks out
the last of my life

each one of my dreams
is now a thousand shards
and i'm broken
over and over

i die every morning
with the rising sun
and i'm buried
with my dreams

but before i kill myself
i make a last wish
someday let me wake up
to my dream


written in a Business Research Methods class and a Marketing class.

recursion [:P]

he said to her:
i don't know
what love is all about
but everytime i look
at your sweet smile
i know that's what
i want to see
every morning
when i wake up.

she said to him:
every time i look
at the love
in your eyes
i know i want
you by my side
every morning
when i wake up
and this thought
makes me smile...


i discovered why i love mountain dew so much. dew has the highest caffein content among all soft drinks sold in india. its caffeine content is about 1.5 times that of coke or pepsi!!

October 14, 2007

मन की बातें

जाने क्या चाहे मन बावरा, अंखियन मेरे सावन चला.... बावरा सा मन उड़ता जाये कहीँ, तारों से आगे, सूरज से बातें करे... कल को पाने को उतावला छोटा सा कोई आज का लम्हा... गिर गिर कर भी उठता है, फिर गिरता है... पर हार मान लेगा तो बावरा कहाँ रहेगा... उदासी में डूब कर पार आता है, फिर डूबने को भाग कर जाता है ... हर ख़ुशी से दूर भागता है, पर छोटी छोटी बातों में चुपके से मुस्काता है ... बारिश की बूंदों से बातें करता है, कुछ बूंदों की कहानी सुनता है, कुछ अपनी सुनाता है.... कभी अन्दर ही अन्दर भीग जाता है... बुलबुला है - प्यारा सा, नाजुक सा... चलते चलते थक जाता है तो खुद से कहानियाँ गढ़ कर सुनाता है... या कुछ मीठे गीत... शब्दों में अर्थ ढूँढने की कोशिश करता है, कभी व्यर्थ में ही ... पगला है पूरा ...

पर इस बुद्धू को जब चोट लगती है तो बहुत रोता है...

October 13, 2007

MNC !!

this is what i've done to the first page of my managerial communication handout [:D]! it was a class where we had people giving speeches on ultra-boring topics like introducing kamal nath and medha patekar and the importance of engineering and the farewell ceremony of some godforsaken fool... as you can very well see, i kept myself busy [:D]!! there was a bit more on the page but i wanted to keep this graphic neat enough to be legible.


my yesterdays fade away

into the emptiness inside of me
and i'm left crying
for memories i don't remember

October 11, 2007

just a question

i keep getting all these spam messages about increasing the size of the penis.. and i wonder... do girls get messages about breast enlargement and silicone implants?


flowing tears, dry eyes

cracked with many I's
a thousand reflections
the glass house has broken
trembling hands grasping
bleeding scarlet shards
and i weep...

October 6, 2007

fly and die

i flew on the wings
of those stupid things
that some people call dreams
and i was icarus reborn
scarred beyond recognition
scorched by reality

but i'm not dead yet
the monster will rise again
in its thousand-headed splendor
i'll dream and i'll die
i'll fly and i'll fall
i'll cry and i'll crawl

till perhaps the day
an infinity will end
my dreams will be dead

October 3, 2007


i was preparing my CV for the summer internship process here and there was that achievements and awards heading to fill up. people often think that i'd consider getting into IIT as my biggest achievement. but i don't. i dropped a year for IIT and still managed only rank 2148, which i don't think is good. according to me, i barely got through.

the accomplishments that i do consider my biggest ones were both surprise ones.

the first one is the NTSE scholarship i got. to be more specific, the first round. it was special coz i never expected to get through [:P]! i didn't study a word for it, while many of my friends really put in hours. no, i wasn't a stud. it's just that on the day of the test, the logical reasoning questions somehow seemed easy! my general knowledge in those days used to be pretty okay and so i could crack most of the history questions as well.

of course, i didn't push my luck after clearing the first round. i studied and i must have scored pretty well in the second written round (they don't release the scores) coz my interview went pretty bad and still i got through!!

the second one is when i came 9th in an all-india essay competition organised by ICSE. it was open to students from 9th to 12th and i was in 9th when i secured a place in the top 15 - the number of essays that came out in the form of a booklet !! we were given about two hours to write the essay. we were sent to the library to do this and i was so convinced that i didn't stand a chance that i spent more than half the time reading a novel [:P]. it was an erle stanley gardener one, i think! anyways, with half an hour to go, my friend convinced me that it would look pretty bad if i turned in a botched attempt! so i wrote something. to be honest, it was shit!! what worked though was that i started it with a joke. something about corruption and the indian culture. my principal liked it and sent it as the school's entry. i was more than happy at this point of time because the other entry from the school was by the school's english stud. and he was in std 12!! it was indeed a yahoo moment for me!! and when i came to know, my essay had been selected, it was a google moment [:P]! okki, bad joke!!

i think i should get back to finishing that CV now [:)]!

i love you

i love you

and the days go by
unloved, uncared
i think of you
in all the tears
and all the love

i love you
and i see you there
smiling, radiant
beautiful as ever
walking away
far far away

i love you
and i bruise myself
bleeding, crawling
i strip myself
naked for you
to walk over me

i love you
and yet i hope
foolishly, naively
we'll meet
and you'll say
i love you