things that go bump in the night

he felt a dull pain in the pit of his stomach. as if he'd been kicked hard in the solar plexus. the thing he had dreaded the most all these days had happened after all. there she was, someone he'd thought he'd never see again. had actually prayed this shouldn't happen. and what was she doing in this city, of all places? she had no reason to visit this city, as far as he knew. but then, it had been so many years - 3 years 5 months 12 days to be exact - and he didn't know much about her anyway.

but the reasoning and recap could be dealt with later. there was an immediate problem at hand. he had no idea what his expression was like at that particular instant: surprise, teary remembrance, feigned smile..? he was afraid all this must have summed up into one big constipated demeanor. hell, she was walking toward him. why couldn't she have simply turned and walked away? or why hadn't he run away the moment their eyes met?

there was no escape possible now. what was he going to say?? there were actually so many things to say but he'd vowed to himself he would never say them to her. so should he just say 'hi'? an intimate past reduced to a 'hi'? a life of loving her (at least this was what it had seemed to him then) and a 'hi'?

hi

there it was again.. the kick to his stomach..

hi!! it's been so long since i last saw you!

3 years, 5 months, 12 days since the day you went away..

oh yes, i moved out of the city. job change and all, you know. earning a living is tough these days.. so what are you up to these days?

please don't answer that. please please. i don't want to know anything about your life any more. makes me realise i'm not a part of it. and won't ever be..

just the same. sticking to the old job.. but thinking of shifting.. am here to give an interview..

and there it was! the reason why he didn't want the answer. what should he do now? pray that she gets the job now and he might have a chance of running into her at some corner another day. or pray she stays away so he doesn't throw himself into the same circles again?

oh! super! so have you given it or is it scheduled later?

arre i gave it yesterday. actually it went quite okay. i think i'll get the job.

fuck!!

congratulations!!!

don't ask the company. don't ask the company.

so which lucky company is it?

haha! i don't know if they are lucky or not. it's the same company you work in.

that smile again! how hard he had tried to forget it. and the accompanying crinkling at the edges of her eyes. but wait a sec! what did she say just now?

i'm sorry i didn't get you..

oh ho! i got a job in your office!

you mean this one!

he felt like an idiot actually pointing to the building he had just come out of. on second thought, he now had the reason why she was here. and he wasn't feeling good about the whole thing.

yes sir, THIS one!

oh!

why, is that a problem for you?

no, no, i mean...

yes, it is. how will i live with seeing you everyday and knowing that i can't love you? or remember everyday the day you left me. or go through the reasons you gave for leaving me. how will i now close the cupboard of memories i had somehow managed to lock shut. memories and all my dreams.

see, i know it's awkward. but you should also realise that we weren't meant to be together. i'm really sorry.

DON'T SAY THAT!

say what?

that you're sorry!

why so?

it's a convoluted reason. you wouldn't understand. anyway, congratulations once again. see you in office soon. bbye.

don't say sorry coz you can't be sorry for leaving me. or else you would have come back. no, you are sorry for starting it in the first place. for loving me ever. and i can't take that sorry. coz that's a love i hold dear still. even though i'll never tell you now. and suddenly, that project in the other city seems inviting... but for now, just run and don't look back...