love

love is ..
an endless cacophony
of innumerable thoughts.
the starry night
that's just as scary
as it is beautiful.
the longing
for a healing touch.
intimate conversations
all by yourself.
a thousand dreams
all of them bubbles
waiting to be broken.
the shifting sands
you love to walk on
and see your impression
you hope would last
a lifetime.
all the usual words
getting a new meaning.
all the insanity
somehow making sense.

इतना अँधेरा क्यों है भाई [:P]

धुंध में लिपटे

कुछ ठिठके क़दमों से
घुप अंधेरे में
भटकी सी चाल
काँटों से बिंधे
तलवों की गरमी को
ठोकरों से मिली
लाली से बुझाने
की नाकाम कोशिश
अनजान परछाईयों को
पकड़ने की चाहत में
ख़ुद से कहीं दूर
किसी अंधेरे को
अपना सपना कहना
रौशनी की तलाश
में सोचा ना था
इतने अंधेरों से
जूझना पडेगा कि
कल रौशनी बस
इक धुंधली सी
याद रह जायेगी

[the word 'dhundh' has been stuck in my mind for quite a few days. this poem has had many starts and it was only today that i could complete it.]

another one of those

Your romantic side is powerfully charged today, dear Cancer, and you will find that the more you tune in to this side of your nature, the happier you will be.
- my horoscope on windows live today

i think i've written about this before - these predictions about cancer. almost every other day i find them related to love. no other sunsign has the love theme occurring so frequently!! are cancerians especially romantic or what [:P]?? my 'dear friend' sunny somani said something on this once, i think. couldn't find that chat. but it was something profound.

anyway, there's no use deliberating on this topic. these people have to earn their livelihood [:P]!!

the end, somewhere

i closed down one more blog today. this one was short-lived though. lasted about six months. some 100 posts. but it had taken me five months of thinking just to start that blog. a lot of pain and hurt there. and i had been wanting to close it ever since the day i started it. but i simply couldn't. coz it let me talk to a part of myself that i couldn't otherwise connect to. a part i've been trying to kill for many days now. not that i killed it by closing that blog!! but it's still a first step.

and this is the only blog i have now. and one day, this too, will have run its course. but that day is far away.

poignant thought

drew this in class today.. some arbit class about maintenance management.. i think this merits a poem [:)].. but don't have time today.. some other day...

conversation

me (in KB's scrapbook) : hi kb!! kaise ho yaar? aur sunao.. kya haal chaal hai?? sab thik to? sunaa tum xl jaa ke khoob busy ho gaye ho ?? khair, keep in touch.
take care, bye !!

KB (in my scrapbook) : sab theek hai, khaali mere do room aage ek lafanga rehta hai jo arbit scrapping karte karte pareshaan kar deta hai.
Khair, woh sab tum kaise jaanoge.
tumhara kya haal?

[:D :D :D]

rains

it rained today
but not enough
there's a lot left
inside of me
that i hoped would
get washed away
there are only so many
tears i have
the heavens duped me
one more time
and now i think
not without reason

तारों कि दास्तान

मुट्ठी भर तारे
कुछ समेटे थे
कि जब बाहर अँधेरा
ज़्यादा हो जाएगा
उन तारों के सहारे
रात गुज़र जायेगी
पर झोली काली थी
खा गयी सारे तारे
और बाहर से ज़्यादा
अन्दर हो चला अँधेरा
अब खोजता है मन
थोड़े से सपने कहीं
जो बन जाएं तारे
आंखों के उजियारे
और तारों में उकेरूँ
ज़िंदगी कि लकीरें

i wish..

i wish i could
hold you
into the night
with the promise
you won't be gone
when morning comes

i wish you would
just sit there
and i could
cry all my tears
in your lap
and go to sleep
with your arms
protecting me

i wish i could
see your smile
once again
hold your hand
walk on air
with the feeling
i made you smile

i wish you would
talk to me
like you always did
and i could
listen to you
and forget
all i had to say

i wish you would
let me worry
for you
all through the day
and then scold me
for loving you
a bit too much

i wish i could
hold you
and not be afraid
not any more

i wish i could
be a part of you
once again

[inspired by the song door na jaa from jannat... the first few lines go like.. tera chehra meri aankhon mein basaa rahne de...khud ko thoda sa kahin mujh mein basaa rahne de... door na jaa...]

:D

me walks out of class. me realises something amiss. me cries out in frustration: arre, attendance nahi hua na!! FUCK!!

and walking two steps ahead of me is the prof explaining something to a student.

me takes advantage of the dark surroundings. sneaks away.

me prays prof doesn't know my voice.

tick-tock

i hate clocks
ticking and tocking
picking and mocking
every second pointing
how i've done nothing
the hands making faces
smiling and frowning
numbers and measures
time flying fast
judgments thrown across
in a jiffy
aging by the second
the sands running out
i wish i could
stop time right now
and i could look at me
in my own eyes
and then i could face time
as one I
...

[i don't think tocking is a real word :P... written in a strategy class, where it's really tough to bide time...]

rehab

journey 1

when people and places
are just nouns
and emotions and expectations
some heavy words
and you wish
for a switch to the mind
a door you could close
to the outside world
while you explored inside

and what do we have there?
stories hanging by the thread
some corpses running amok
some saplings you once planted
dreams you've never told anyone
petals and thorns strewn across
a tarmac oft traveled

and you meet all of you
the one that holds your hand
when it's all dark outside
the one that makes you cry
every time you smile
the one that hugs you
when you feel all alone
and the lone warrior
the source of all your strength

the journey within
doesn't begin or end
there are no answers
but those you already know
but if you trust
that lone warrior of yours
i can assure you
the journey will be a smile
====================================

journey 2

i stood at the shores
watching the waves come in
all my castles lay broken
washed away, never to return
tears and pain
and a sense of nothingness
i can't explain
how it feels
to lose all your dreams
all at once

and then i realised
i couldn't just stand there
i had to move on
build new castles, maybe..
but the first few steps
i so gingerly took
just got me deeper
into the same water
and then it struck me
i needed to move out
to safer lands
before i could dream again

i didn't want to think
i didn't want to dream
but if i just stood there
the water would run me over
i started a journey
much against my wishes
a journey that would
take me away from the water
from the broken dreams
from all the pain
from that void inside
and all the thoughts

i know it isn't easy
it's going to take long
but i need the distance
if i'm to breathe again

भा गयी कहानी..

भरम में लिपटी
भूरे सपनों की चिंगारियां
भोली सी भोर में कहीं
भर भर मोती छलका
भंवें चढ़ा जाती हैं
भला हो पर इनका
भीतर कहीं आग
भड़का कर जगा जाती हैं
भागें सही इंसान तभी
भूत सवार हो जब मन पे कोई
भोर से भोर तक का
भूरेपन से भूरेपन तक का
भरा सफर काटना है
भर मुट्ठी में कुछ चिंगारियां
भीतर आग लिए
भरम को नापना है

no title

=> whenever you think you've had enough, life comes up with something new. and despite the pain, you can't help saying 'wow'!!

=> if tomorrow is what you dream it to be - does that mean that if you can't dream your tomorrow today, you won't have a tomorrow at all?

=> i have a homemade thermometer. whenever i start dreaming really weird dreams and i get conscious of this fact, i conclude that i have a fever. the more weird the dream, the higher the fever [:P]!!

=> dunno why, but i'm more at ease chatting on messenger than actually talking to people. i guess i'm more comfortable with the predictability of the written word.

=> this is the fifth time in less than so many minutes that i've mixed up between the mouse, tv remote and cellphone i have near me.

=> i've discovered that there's actually a limit to how much you can sleep in a day.. day after day...duh!! damn these myths!! why do they always end in shreds?

=> okki. this is the end.

कल की बात

रुक जाए घडियाँ ये यहीं
बस जी लें हम ये ज़िंदगी
कल कि ना हो फिकर
ना हो दूरियों का गिला
बस आज इस एक पल में
सिमट आयें प्यार की सरहदें
हर खुशी की तमन्ना
कर लें हम अब यहीं

अपने अंधेरे को भूल
मैं तुझ संग झूम लूँ
एक पल को ज़रा
सीने में दबी हर बात
आँखों की जुबां से
कर जाऊं आज बयान

हाथ ये मेरा बस तुम
थामे रहो यूं ही
तुम्हारी कुछ लकीरों से कहीं
उलझी रहे मेरी लकीरें

कल हो जुदा हम, किसे पता
छुपा लूँ इस पल को कहीं
यादों के पहलू में
की कल फ़िर तुम जब न रहो
गले लगा इसे कहीं
मैं रोता रहूँ बस यहीं
....